New Members

Often, members of the church associate self-reliance with food storage, so teenagers often think it has nothing to do with them. However, the commandment to become self-reliant involves far more than just food, and the time to become self-reliant is while you’re young. If you can achieve this as a teenager, your adult life will be far more successful and productive.

Self-reliance in your own life means to take responsibility for those things you should be in charge of. If you joined the church without your family, you have probably already taken responsibility for living the gospel. After all, your non-LDS parents are probably not going to remind you to pray or to do your seminary homework. It’s likely they won’t enforce the Word of Wisdom unless it was already part of your life.

Even if you did join the church with your family, you should begin to take responsibility for these things yourself. The gospel is individual and you are accountable for your own choices. You’re unable to blame your parents if you don’t stop swearing, for instance.

Make a list of the parts of the gospel and of your life you should be in charge of yourself. You should be getting yourself up for seminary, doing your chores without reminders, taking on additional chores whenever possible without being asked, and reading your scriptures, for instance. Taking responsibility for your own life gives you more control over it.

When you do your chores without being asked, your parents soon learn to trust you to do them. They won’t nag because they’ll know that if one day, when things aren’t going well, you are late, that you will still get to them that day.

When you read your scriptures and pray each day without reminder, your Heavenly Father learns to trust you. What a wonderful gift it is to be a person your Heavenly Father can count on.

“We must not be nearly dependable, but always dependable. Let us be faithful in the little things, as well as the big ones. Can I be depended upon to fill every assignment, whether it be for a two-and-a-half minute talk, home teaching, a visit to the sick, or a call as a stake or full-time missionary?

Remember, “… there are many called, but few are chosen. And why are they not chosen?
“Because their hearts are set so much upon the things of this world, and aspire to the honors of men, …” (D&C 121:34–35), and they are not dependable.

The Lord speaks of the chosen few, and he means those who are fully dependable. Let us determine now to be some of those few.” N. Eldon Tanner, “Dependability,” Ensign, Apr 1974, 2

When your parents, teachers, and friends can depend on you, it is a marvelous thing, something that will nearly guarantee you a successful life. When your Father in Heaven can depend on you, you are guaranteed a successful eternity. Be sure, also, that you can depend on yourself to do the right thing. Being able to depend on yourself gives you peace of mind.
Begin today, however young you are, to be self-reliant. When you are on your own someday, food storage will never be a challenge, because self-reliance will be a habit.

One of the many wonderful changes you may be making as a new member of the church is in the media you choose for yourself. Sometimes, just at first, this doesn’t seem so wonderful. You’ve had years of listening to certain types of music and watching certain types of movies and television programs. Now you’re being asked to evaluate those and decide which are worth keeping in your life. Do you know why you’re asked to do this?

“To me, it is impossible to maintain the Spirit of the Lord while listening to music or watching movies or videos that celebrate evil thoughts and use vulgar language.” (M. Russell Ballard, Ensign, Nov. 1997, 39)

This is the most important reason to avoid inappropriate media. You will lose the gift of the Holy Ghost you’ve just worked so hard to gain. The Spirit can’t be in the presence of sin, and so it departs, leaving you to cope with life alone. Now that you’ve felt the spirit, do you really want to lose it?

It’s Satan who promotes the use of inappropriate movies, music, video games, internet usage, and other types of media. Heavenly Father asks us to stay with that which will keep our minds and hearts pure. Which side do you want to be on? Every time you choose to participate in media that is inappropriate, even if it’s only “a little” inappropriate, you choose Satan’s team, and that’s not the winning team.

Every choice you make has consequences and affects your eternal progression. You can’t put eternal progression on pause while you experiment with the evil side of the world. You’re either moving toward Heaven or away from it. You’re never standing still. The smallest amount of inappropriateness sends you backwards, like those children’s board games that often send you backwards on the board, making it harder to reach the finish line.

The Thirteenth Article of Faith is our guideline for what we should bring into our lives:

“We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men; indeed, we may say that we follow the admonition of Paul— We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.”

When you’re choosing a movie to watch or music to listen to, test them against these words. Imagine watching or listening in the presence of the Savior. Would you feel uneasy? Then don’t do it. If you find yourself in a situation where your friends are doing something that makes you uneasy, find the courage to ask them to stop. If they don’t—and often they won’t--be ready to walk away. Ask your parents to come for you if you need transportation. Parents are generally happy to rescue you from an immoral or dangerous situation, and will be proud of your choice. It’s not easy to walk away, but even when you’re taunted, you survive. I did, even though at the time I was sure I’d die on the spot.

Use the internet in a room full of family. Check reviews before watching a movie. Really listen to the words of your music. In addition, evaluate the mood of the music. How do you feel when you listen? Does it make you feel something inappropriate inside—angry, perhaps? If so, the spirit won’t be in the room, so don’t just turn it off. If it’s yours, throw it away.

It can take time to learn to enjoy new types of music, books, and videos, but it’s more than worth the effort. God is counting on you.

How important did you consider education before you joined the church? As you begin to work towards an LDS-mindset to life, think about your education. The church encourages its youth, and in fact, all its members, to get as much education as possible, both formally, and through personal learning.

The responsibility for getting an education begins with you. While it’s easier to be well-educated if you were raised in a home that values it or if you’re a naturally good student, in the end, you’re the one who is affected, and so it’s your responsibility, regardless of what you’re learning about education at home or how good you are at school.

“Because of our sacred regard for each human intellect, we consider the obtaining of an education to be a religious responsibility. Yet opportunities and abilities differ. I believe that in the pursuit of education, individual desire is more influential than institution, and personal faith more forceful than faculty.

"Our Creator expects His children everywhere to educate themselves. He issued a commandment: “Seek ye diligently and teach one another words of wisdom; yea, seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom; seek learning, even by study and also by faith.” (D&C 88:118.) And He assures us that knowledge acquired here will be ours forever. (See D&C 130:18–19.)”-- Russell M. Nelson, “Where Is Wisdom?,” Ensign, Nov 1992, 6

This means that going to a bad school or having an uneducational home isn’t an excuse. We have to take responsibility for educating ourselves. If your school is poor, you can find ways to make the curriculum harder. I once took a class on current events. I love current events and didn’t realize it was a fluff class designed for people who aren’t going to graduate unless they pass a social studies class. When I learned that we’d be doing nothing but rewriting a newspaper article in our own words each day, I went to the teacher. I was unable to change classes, but we decided I could instead choose an important long-running current event, research it, analyze it, and write a paper on it. In this way, I was able to get a good education in that class, even though the class itself was silly. When I had teachers who were unwilling to work with me, I assigned myself research projects. I tried to read extra books on the subject and talk to people who knew more about it. I also studied subjects my school didn’t offer by visiting museums or talking with my parents. When I struggled, I sought help in prayer and from others.

Doing well in school, and learning on our own, are spiritual accomplishments, even when we’re learning history or math. God is the author of all good knowledge. Of course, we must not let our academic life destroy our spiritual one. It’s important to use the same prayerful judgment in deciding what to believe academically as we did in deciding what church to join. Spiritual learning is also a priority.

As a new teen convert, you will want to pay close attention to the teachings found in For the Strength of Youth. This pamphlet, written for teenagers, helps LDS youth learn to live the life of a Latter-day Saint.

One of the teachings that may be new to you as a convert are those pertaining to showing respect for your body, which was a gift from your Heavenly Father.

Body piercing is discouraged except for medical reasons. Girls and women may, if they choose, wear one pair of modest earrings. Boys and men may not wear any. Piercing other parts of the body is discouraged. Tattooing is also not accepted.

President Hinckley, the previous prophet of the church, said,

“Did you ever think that your body is holy? You are a child of God. Your body is His creation. Would you disfigure that creation with portrayals of people, animals, and words painted into your skin?

"I promise you that the time will come, if you have tattoos, that you will regret your actions. They cannot be washed off. They are permanent. Only by an expensive and painful process can they be removed. If you are tattooed, then probably for the remainder of your life you will carry it with you. I believe the time will come when it will be an embarrassment to you. Avoid it. We, as your Brethren who love you, plead with you not to become so disrespectful of the body which the Lord has given you.

"May I mention earrings and rings placed in other parts of the body. These are not manly. They are not attractive. You young men look better without them, and I believe you will feel better without them. As for the young women, you do not need to drape rings up and down your ears. One modest pair of earrings is sufficient.” Gordon B. Hinckley, “A Prophet’s Counsel and Prayer for Youth,” Ensign, Jan 2001, 2

Heavenly Father gave us our bodies as an extraordinary gift. They house our spirits and allow us to do so many wonderful things. It’s important that we treat His gift with dignity and respect, taking care to leave it in good condition. The body He gave us is perfect just as it is. It doesn’t need further decoration—we certainly don’t want to leave the impression it wasn’t a good enough gift. Paul said, “Know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s” (1 Cor. 6:19–20).

If you already have tattoos, consider having them removed when you are older and can afford it. You will likely find you outgrow the pleasure for one and may find it embarrassing. They can impact your ability to get a job or find a spouse. Until then, if it can stay hidden away, you may want to do that whenever possible and don’t brag about it or show it off, lest you influence another to follow in your footsteps.

Treat your body as a temple, already perfect just as it was created, and worthy of respect.

“It’s my life and I can do what I want with it.” That’s a popular refrain among teenagers outside the church. As a new member of the church, you may already be aware that there is more to this story than that.

We have always had agency. The right to choose for ourselves is what brought us here to earth. When Heavenly Father presented his plan to us, it included the right to choose whether or not to follow it. Some chose not to and followed Satan instead. Those of us who are here made the correct choice. You've always had agency--you just understand it better now.

Now, here on earth, our agency continues. As a teenager, you have limits placed on your agency, in that you must obey laws, rules, parents, teachers, and leaders. However, within even the strictest guidelines, you have agency. For instance, you can choose your attitude toward the guidelines. You can even choose not to follow those rules and laws, but there are serious consequences for doing so.

And consequences are the part of agency much of the world chooses not to understand. While you can always choose what to do and how to feel about it, you cannot choose the consequences of your choices, and there are always consequences. Furthermore, you can’t choose who else is hurt by your choices. The consequences of your actions are entirely beyond your control, both good and bad.

When you make good choices, good consequences follow, in general. When you make bad choices, bad consequences generally follow. As a teenager, your decisions have a tremendous impact on your family and friends. When you get into trouble, your family will be hurt—and possibly even held accountable by the law. When you do something wonderful, they are proud and others look on them more favorably. If you choose to follow a bad path, you may lead a friend or younger sibling along with you, but when you chose to join the church, you drew attention to a wonderful eternal blessing. Others you love may follow in your footsteps someday.

The best time to use your newly understood agency is before you need it. Make all the important decisions now, when your emotions aren’t involved. Then plan a path that won’t lead you anywhere you haven’t chosen. Think through the choices, the consequences, and the actions needed, and then pray for confirmation. Right now is the time to decide you will marry in the temple, for instance. If you decide now, you’ll make the choices that will keep you from getting sidetracked. You’ll date only temple worthy people, guard your morality, and keep your testimony strong. It’s much easier to make this choice today than when you are facing a proposal from someone who can’t make your eternal dreams come true.

Dallin H. Oakes, of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, gave this guideline for making the small, everyday choices you will make as a new member of the church: “Potentially destructive deviations often seem so small that some find it easy to justify ‘just this once.’ When that temptation arises—as it will—I urge you to ask yourself, ‘Where will it lead?’” Dallin H. Oaks, “Where Will It Lead?,” New Era, Aug 2007, 2–5

The last thing my new LDS friends convinced me to attend was seminary. After all, it was held very early in the morning before school and I was not a morning person. As strong as my new testimony was, I wasn’t sure it was strong enough to make me get out of bed before daylight to learn the gospel.

Once I went however, you couldn’t keep me away. I learned so much more in that hour of religion than I learned in the shorter Sunday School class. Even more importantly, I began to treasure the feeling I took with me to school each day. Because I was the only member of the church in my family, I was not awakening to family prayer and scripture study. Attending seminary, however, allowed me to start my day with the gospel and to carry the spirit with me to school. It seemed like school went so much better when I went to seminary. I found it easier to resist temptation, to handle pressure from non-LDS friends, and to remember the new standards of life I had chosen for myself. My mood was better, my grades improved, and I was less concerned with the things that didn’t matter.

It wasn’t magic. Some days I didn’t allow the spiritual uplift to stay with me. I still had trials, hard days, temptations, and hurt feelings. More often than not, however, the days were better when I started with the gospel.

Getting up early was hard, but I soon learned it was easier if I prepared properly. I went to bed earlier, so I wasn’t tired. Then I decided the frantic rush with a half-put together mind was keeping me from getting the full benefit of the experience. I began to prepare the night before by setting out my clothing and school supplies, being sure homework was complete, and checking to see if there was anything for breakfast.

In the morning, I allowed enough time to get completely ready, since I didn’t return home afterwards, and to eat a decent breakfast. I wanted to be sure I had plenty of time for morning prayers as well, so the spirit was with me before I arrived, and I wasn’t dependent on the teacher to bring it in herself.

While it seemed very difficult initially, over time, the new schedule became natural and I began to enjoy starting my day in a quiet house, with the gospel to look forward to before a long day of school.

As a youth leader, you may be one of the most important people in the life of a teenager who joins the church without her parents. While her parents should always be the most important resource for her, there will now be some things they simply won’t understand, and may not be able to help her with. As her leader, you will be the person she will turn to when she needs a “church parent.”

Be careful, in all you do, not to take the parent’s place, or to become more important than the parent. Even if the parents don’t respond to the child’s conversion the way you might hope, the teenager must always love, respect, and honor her parents, and it is in part your job to make sure she does. My bishop and my youth leaders consistently praised my parents to me and sent me back to them for those things that should be their decision. They taught me to trust my parents and to respect the way they lived their lives, and worked only to add additional dimensions to my life, not to replace the life my parents chose for me. Express appreciation often for the good things the parent has done—allowing their teenager to attend or join the church, setting certain standards that match those of the child’s, attending special events with their child. Watch carefully for things you can praise, because often teen converts are frustrated at the differences between their parents and those of their LDS friends. Help them see what is good and the same.

When the teenager does come to you for advice, be respectful of her fears, even if they seem silly to you. Perhaps it seems meaningless to you for a thirteen-year-old girl to be worrying about how her parents will react when she marries in the temple some day and her parents can’t attend, but take that worry seriously. She is trying to pull together her new LDS identity and set a pattern for the future. If you push her fears away, she may never ask for advice again and when she’s old enough to marry, she may simply decide to forego the temple. However, wise and sensitive advice today can cause her to choose a pattern of good choices now that will send her in the right direction for the future.

Help your teen student find ways to live the gospel within the confines of the rules and structures of her home. Be creative. How can she have family home evening when no one at home is LDS? How can she keep the Sabbath Day holy when no one else is?

Give your teen student a glimpse into LDS life. After my baptism, members invited me to family home evenings and other LDS family events. One family allowed me to watch their bedtime routines so I saw how family prayer and scripture study were done in an LDS home. When the time came for me to marry in the temple, a thoughtful visiting teacher answered the questions that most LDS young women knew simply by living with endowed parents. None of this, which seems so ordinary to you, is ordinary to your teen convert, who may be mystified as to how an LDS home works.

Your young converted students will always remember the leaders who helped them navigate the world of LDS life.

Often, when teenagers join the church, they start to become more aware of what is going on in the world around them. As they participate in service projects through church and learn about the impact of service in their lessons, and as their love for the Savior grows, their hearts are filled with a desire to do even more. Class and quorum service projects don’t seem to be quite enough when your heart is burning with a desire to change the world.

Happily, service doesn’t require a calling or an assignment. You can change the world in big or small ways all on your own. Service can be big projects—taking care of a very sick child—or small projects, such as smiling at someone who seems sad. It can be done as a group, or alone. It can be planned or spontaneous.

Do you wonder if the small things you can do will matter? When there are millions of hungry children in the world today, will the three cans of soup you used your allowance to buy really make a difference if you donate it to a food bank? Gordon B. Hinckley, the prophet and president of the church, said, “I believe in the principle that I can make a difference in this world. It may be ever so small. But it will count for the greater good. The goodness of the world in which we live is the accumulated goodness of many small and seemingly inconsequential acts.” Gordon B. Hinckley, “I Believe,” Ensign, Aug 1992, 2

This means that while your three cans of soup won’t feed all the hungry people of the world, they will ease the hunger of a few people. If each person who could afford to feed others fed three people today, all the hungry people of the world would be fed. When Jesus lived on the earth, he helped all those he could. He couldn’t heal every sick person, or physically bless each child in the world, but he healed and blessed those he came across each day, and made an impact on those lives. We must never hold back our help simply because it might not be enough. There are those who need us, and our little bit of help will count for the greater good.

Service doesn’t have to be big and important. Can you invite someone to join your lunch table tomorrow who normally sits alone? That may not seem like a big contribution to a world with great need, but to that lonely person, it will be a service long remembered. When I was a young teenager, teams in gym class were chosen in a rather unkind way. Everyone lined up and the two best athletes were chosen as team captains. They called out names, one by one, of who they wanted on their teams. Those of us who were bad at sports dreaded that moment of standing there, pretending we didn’t care that we were being chosen last and that everyone would groan when we were chosen. One day, however, a popular team captain stood quietly for a moment, and then chose the worst player in the school as her first choice. Everyone stared in shock. However, when it was her turn to choose again, she once again chose the worst player remaining. She made all her choices in reverse—the worst were chosen first. To this day, the unexpected pleasure of being chosen first is remembered by the worst player in the school—me. It was a little thing that didn’t seem to change the world or matter very much, but it mattered to me and to the others chosen that day. I think it also mattered to those who watched in surprise as this young girl chose kindness over championship. We didn’t win the game, since the other team got all the best players, but that girl won something more important than the game.

She won the chance to make a difference.

A few years before I joined the church, I mistakenly chose as friends some teenagers who were popular, but not well-behaved. I was naïve, and had no idea what they were really like. One day, at a school party, they decided to go for a “walk.” I foolishly thought that’s what they really wanted to do and joined them. However, the walk only took us out of sight of adults. Then they pulled out cigarettes. I refused, having watched a grandmother die of emphysema, but they persisted, and began taunting me. I had never actually experienced this before and didn’t know what to do. Fortunately, one of the group made the others leave me alone.

When we returned, a student, several years older and much admired, walked over to me and quietly said, “I knew what they were like—everyone does. But I thought you were different. I hoped you were different.” He walked away and I stood still, mortified. I realized everyone thought I had been smoking, and that I was just like them. I didn’t have to do anything wrong; I simply had to associate with those who did.

I wasn’t sure how to get out of the situation, so I met with my guidance counselor, who suggested we change my schedule so I was not with them, but would be with the friends I had abandoned for this group. I did and my reputation, with the help of those renewed friendships, was restored. I was fortunate I had learned the truth early on, before my reputation was secured in the minds of others.

1 Thessalonians 5:22 says, “Abstain from all appearance of evil.” As a new convert, you may be struggling with this issue just now. Even if you are no longer doing the things you once did, you have to figure out how to make sure people know you’re not doing them. You now represent the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in all you do, and so it’s important to be a missionary by showing people how Mormons live. This may mean finding new friends, choosing new clubs, or declining invitations. Sometimes it isn’t possible to be where you once were and appear to be doing the right thing.

If you feel your reputation is already sealed as less moral than you’d now like, don’t give up hope. People have short memories. The more dramatic your change, the more people will notice the changes, and the sooner they will forget you haven’t always been just like this. So make big changes quickly. Wear different clothing. Find new friends if you need to. (You don’t have to have only LDS friends, but do try to have friends who share and respect your standards.) Clean up your vocabulary and join different clubs. Read good books and listen to good music. When people say, “Wow, you’ve really changed,” smile and say, “Thank you.”

Seek the guidance of people you trust—guidance counselors, club leaders, teachers, church leaders, and moral friends. They can often see options you can’t see and can provide moral support during challenging times. Pray for help and courage.

It can take time, but you will soon be known as the good Mormon, clean cut and well-respected.

Soon after beginning to investigate the church, I realized members of the church love to dance. There were church dances several times a month and even a large dance festival. I obtained a dance card (a card that allowed me to attend dances and showed I knew and accepted the rules for the dances) and learned the rules for dress and appropriate dancing. The slow dances I had done in the past disappeared from my life.

Then I attended a school dance. I attended with a group of non-LDS friends and when the first slow song started and a friend invited me to dance, I hesitated. Now what? Would he think I was a baby for no longer wanting to do what was then called “Bear Hugging” or would he respect my request for a rather old-fashioned style of dancing? I took a deep breath and explained the new rules. He looked surprised and then pleased, “I love to dance that way, but girls never want to. This will be fun.” The next young man to ask didn’t even have to be told. He explained he had noticed how I danced before and did I want to dance that way again? Word got around that I liked my dancing old-fashioned and the evening was a success.

The easiest way to get through the evening is to simply be upfront about your standards. Don’t apologize for them or act embarrassed. Even though your friends may tease or remind you that you danced differently before, smile and say, “That was the old me. The new improved me likes something more complicated. Come on. I’ll teach you how.” If your dance partner tries to pressure you, take it as a warning sign. You don’t need friends who don’t respect your standards. Suggest he find someone who likes his style of dancing and go find someone else who likes your style.

Clothing may be another challenge you face now. It can be difficult to find modest clothing that is appropriate for school dances and your old dresses may not work. Many LDS girls learn to sew and either make their own dresses or modify the ones they have. Start early if you have to buy one off the rack. There are modest dresses, but they take time to find. If you can’t sew, offer to trade services with a girl who can. Then ask her to teach you how to sew enough to modify a dress.

A third challenge you may face is music. Much of the music at school dances is inappropriate for Latter-day Saints to hear. Find out what your options are when this happens. If you’re allowed to leave the room, you may want to do so. If you aren’t, decide if you’re going to sit out inappropriate dances and talk to someone instead.

Finally, remember that dating outside the church poses great risks to your future temple marriage. You may only think it’s a date, but many youth have unexpectedly fallen in love. If your non-LDS date doesn’t share your standards, it can become an awkward evening. If you become a couple, you may find your new testimony waning. The time to decide you’ll only date members is before someone who isn’t LDS asks you for a date.

Soon after I joined the church, one of my college instructors attacked the church over the large families most members had then. He said we had so many in order to more easily take over the world. I took this environmental science class just after my Institute of Religion class (a program for LDS college students), so I had my Book of Mormon sitting on my desk. To my embarrassment, everyone in class turned to stare at me, waiting to see what I would do. Because I was shy, and inexperienced at defending the church, I stammered over my answer. I wouldn’t back down, but didn’t know how to handle the problem, so it became a semester-long battle of wills that resulted in my grade being lowered.

Coping with teachers who dislike the church is more difficult than coping with friends. You have to be careful how you respond, since the teacher has control over your grades. You want to stand up for the church without creating a power struggle or embarrassing a teacher. It is made particularly challenging when you are new to the church and don't always know what the teacher is talking about.

First, try to keep a positive attitude. Give the teacher the benefit of the doubt. He probably doesn’t know much about the church and truly believes he is telling the truth. If you can remember this, it will make you less angry and defensive. He may also not realize there is a church member in the class, especially if you’ve just joined the church.

It is quite possible you’ll have no idea what the teacher is talking about. Soon after the above incident, another teacher said Mormons believed ancient people crossed the ocean to America in submarines. This got a laugh and naturally I was asked if that was correct. I hadn’t gotten to the Jaredites in the Book of Mormon yet. They built a closed boat that could handle waves going over it, and could be described as a non-mechanical submarine, but I didn’t know that. Slightly more experienced now, I said I was new to the church but would find the answer and get back to him. As soon as class ended, I found someone to tell me what the teacher was talking about. If you’re confronted with a statement about the church you suspect is wrong and you’re not sure of the answer, or don’t know how to explain it, raise your hand, say you’re a new member and don’t have an answer for that, but you’d be happy to obtain the answer. If you don’t know whether the information is correct, don’t say anything until you’ve verified it. Then speak to the teacher privately.

If you are familiar with the doctrine your teacher is misrepresenting, try to put your answer into a nonjudgmental form. Don’t tell the teacher he’s being anti-Mormon or attacking. Simply say, “I’m LDS, and I think perhaps you’ve misunderstand. I’m new to the church, but may I try to explain it more clearly?” If he continues to press and you can see further explanation is pointless, say in a teasing voice, “I know two missionaries who would love to explain it further. Shall I set up a meeting?” This is likely to end the conversation very quickly. While you probably won’t change the teacher’s mind, the students who have not formed an opinion of the church will be aware the teacher may have been incorrect. Many will respect you for not being drawn into an argument.

Coping with teachers who dislike or misrepresent your religion is frustrating, but it’s excellent training for future missionary work. Hone your skills and come ready to share the gospel gently.

Have your parents told you that you may not be baptized until you’re eighteen (or another age they consider old enough to decide?) This is frustrating and upsetting to a teen with a testimony, but your time of waiting can be rewarding and fulfilling.

Arguing with your parents about their decision won’t help. It will only make them more certain you aren’t mature enough to make such a critical decision. Instead, spend your time being more grown-up and responsible. Not only will this help them see you might be ready to make this decision, but when you are baptized as an adult, they will know the church helped you to become a better person. It may not make them happy, but at least they won’t be afraid of how it will affect you. The doctrines you believe will worry them less right now than how the church causes you to live. Be a missionary by showing them how a good Latter-day Saint lives.

There are a few things you won’t be able to do during your waiting time. You can’t do temple work, but you probably can go to the temple and wait in the visitor’s center or read scriptures in the lobby while your friends do their work. This will allow you to enjoy the presence of the temple even if you can’t go in. Read about the temple so you’re prepared after your baptism to go inside.

You also can’t usually have a formal calling, but that doesn’t mean you can’t serve. There is always a lot of work to be done and you don’t need to have a calling to do it. Volunteer to help plan activities and participate in the service projects. Make yourself useful at ward activities. Not all teen members have callings, so you won’t be left out.

In most other areas, you can live just as you will when you are baptized. You can read your scriptures, pray, keep the commandments, study the gospel, and prepare for a mission. Most of the time, you may find it hard to remember you aren’t officially a member, since you will live the same life as any other teenager whose parents aren’t LDS.

Work to set a good example for your parents and help them learn more about the choice you’ve made. If possible, help them meet other church members. If they have LDS friends, it will make your transition easier. This can be done by having them meet your leaders or attend special church activities with you.

God won’t hold you accountable for not being able to join if your parents won’t give permission, and there aren’t prizes for how long you’ve been a member. If you’re living the gospel and doing the best you can, God will accept that just as if you were LDS.

As a teenaged convert, I found Sundays very stressful. I came home from church filled with the spirit and determined to keep the Sabbath Day Holy. Unfortunately, I tended to walk into a noisy, busy home where no one else was keeping the Sabbath Day holy, since none of my family joined the church. The television was blaring. People were running off to do fun activities together. Everyone played games, talked politics, and generally treated the day like any other. Within minutes, the spirit was gone and it was easy to be drawn into the worldly activities my family was doing. Sometimes I wasn’t even able to attend church, since my family requested my presence at a family outing in the early days of my church membership. I was frequently sent to the store for my parents on Sunday afternoons.

After a while, I had a long talk with my bishop about my frustrations. He was a convert also, and had faced the same challenges. Together, we worked out a plan. He suggested I run my parents’ errands in order to honor my parents, but ask on Saturday nights if they had anything they wanted me to do for them, since I’d prefer not to do them on Sunday. This reduced the number of store trips I had to make.

When I had to go with my family on an outing, or had to participate in a non-Sabbath day appropriate activity, I had to balance my actions as best I could. I couldn’t prevent my parents from spending money on the meals we ate out or on admissions, but I could minimize what was spent. I was careful not to purchase souvenirs, for example, or to express interest in something that might cause my parents to spend more money. When not interacting directly with my family, I tried to keep my mind focused on spiritual things. I thought about my church lessons, LDS books I was reading, and gospel principles I was trying to learn. I hummed church music quietly. I tried to engage my family in conversation that was gospel-appropriate. I told my family the things I was learning or asked questions about our family history.

I often had free time on the Sabbath, and I learned to use that time wisely. I went into a quiet room or to a quiet spot on the cliff where our home was to read scriptures or study the gospel. Since privacy was hard to come by, I sometimes went for a walk to pray or to ponder. My family was interested in genealogy, so I was often able to work with them on that subject during the Sabbath.

Once I had a Sunday calling, church attendance became easier. My parents believed in keeping our responsibilities, so they no longer asked me to miss church. They knew I had work to do.

God won’t hold you responsible for things you can’t control. On the Sabbath, keep the day as spiritual as possible. If you’re honoring your parents after your best efforts to make changes, He will accept your efforts on His behalf.

I joined the church as a teenager, soon after my seventeenth birthday. My family didn’t join with me, and although they gave their permission for the baptism, my conversion made them nervous. I was fortunate to have a wise bishop who advised me to show my parents the ways the church reinforced their teachings and to demonstrate that being a church member strengthened my relationship with them.

Why are parents anxious when their teenagers join the church? If they have their own religions, they may be very sad, or even devastated that you’ve turned away from a religion they love. This can be hard to understand until you have children of your own, but it’s a very painful feeling for a parent. There isn’t much you can do to change this except to always show respect for their beliefs, even though you’ve rejected those beliefs. Treat their faith the way you want them to treat yours.

Secondly, many parents are afraid of how the conversion will affect their families. Will the church become more important than the family? Will it cause the child to have different values? This is something you can fix.

Teenagers are naturally beginning to pull away from their families and often focus most of their time on school, activities, and friends. Make a special effort to return to your family. Spend time with your parents, and talk to them about what you’re up to. Share with them what the church is teaching you, especially about family and values.

Even if your family doesn’t want to do family home evening, try to stay home on Monday nights and spend time with your parents. Chances are they will be pleased that you want to be with them, and you may find you can have an unofficial family night if you ask each week for their time. Suggest something you can do together.

There are times when your beliefs will conflict with those of your parents, and they will ask you to do things you know you shouldn’t. You will be faced with two conflicting commandments: Honor your parents and whatever the other commandment is. At these times you’ll need to pray for guidance. If they ask you to do something seriously wrong, such as drinking alcohol, you should refuse. However, if they ask you to go to the store for them on Sunday, you may decide to do that after asking them politely if it’s possible to go another day. If this is the sort of thing that happens often, try to prevent it in advance. For instance, you might ask them each Saturday night if they’d like you to run errands for them so you won’t need to do them on Sunday. I asked my parents if it was possible to change our family day to Saturday, even though it was traditionally on Sunday. They eventually agreed, but until they did, I generally, but not always, skipped the outing with their permission. If they especially wanted me with them, I went, and did the best I could to focus on spiritual thoughts during the day.

If you show respect for your parents, spend time with them, and demonstrate how the church reinforces their teachings, you’ll soon find they adjust to your conversion and may even become grateful for the support the church offers them in raising you.