New Members

Many new converts have Primary-aged children and a few children even join the church on their own during the Primary years. These children present a special challenge and extraordinary opportunities for the teachers and leaders.

Some of the children, especially those who are preschool age, have no experience with organized activities. They won’t know how to sit quietly and they don’t have the nursery experience that prepares most children for Sunbeams. In my ward, newcomers often race around the room, overstimulated by the size of the Primary room and all the new children. They don’t know the songs and often don’t understand the teachings—we might as well be teaching in a strange new language.

The first priority is for the child to have a positive experience. This doesn’t mean you need to let him run wild. It’s easier to set rules from the start than it is to change them later. However, the new child may not be able to reach the level of behavior of the more experienced children. I’ve taught children who, after six months, were up to 20 minutes of sitting before they had to go for a walk.

Give the child as much assistance as possible by having him sit with you so you can help him behave or understand things. In class, be sure to keep your explanations very simple. I once taught the grandchild of a Baptist minister. For the several months he attended my ward, he struggled with the concepts of God and Jesus as individual beings, and of premortal life. Every week, we had to go back to the beginning, showing the pictures of the First Vision to remind him God and Jesus were two people, not one. Things you might take for granted are not easily understood by newcomers.

Be patient with their old traditions. My ward has many baptisms, and when the children are asked to draw pictures in sharing time, the pictures displayed around the room often contain crosses and other Catholic symbols. We say nothing about them. The children will learn soon enough how to draw LDS symbols instead.

Don’t correct a child who doesn’t follow correct prayer patterns. Instead, in future lessons, review how prayer is accomplished and let the children learn as they’re ready. It’s important not to embarrass them or they won’t want to return.

Stay in close contact with the parents, who may be a little nervous about letting you teach their child. Send home newsletters explaining what was taught and offering your contact information. Getting to know the parents makes it easier for you to trust them
See your role as one of a missionary, helping to bring your young students to the gospel or to build on the brand new testimony the child is gaining. Even the very youngest convert can begin to build a true testimony with your help.

A new convert once asked if it was okay to continue some of the religious practices she had enjoyed in her previous religion. They didn’t conflict in any way with our own doctrines or practices; they were simply a comfort and a tradition, particularly those related to holidays. She was assured that if those things helped her to feel closer to God, they were okay to do. We tend to do things in a simple way, and it can be a challenge for new converts to adapt quickly to that.

President Hinckley, the previous president of the church, said, “Let me say that we appreciate the truth in all churches and the good which they do. We say to the people, in effect, you bring with you all the good that you have, and then let us see if we can add to it.” (meeting, Nairobi, Kenya, 17 Feb. 1998).

You came to your new religion with a great deal of truth and goodness already tucked away inside of you. You were already making some good choices and had probably developed some routines, traditions, and habits that made it easier for you to do the right things. You’re not asked to dispose of everything you did in the past to take on a new way of life completely. Some things will change, but those things that are in harmony with the gospel are yours to keep. They will help you make your transition easier. If a lit candle makes it easier to pray, light it. In time, you may find you no longer need it, but while you do, no one is going to consider you weak or incorrect. If you previously put your hands together or in the air as you prayed, feel free to do that. Folding our arms is how we pray in church, but at home, do it the way that makes it easiest for you to feel the spirit. There is time in the future to feel at home with your arms folded.

Some things Mormons do are traditional or cultural. Others are doctrinal. Over time you’ll learn which are which. Many people in the church today are happiest with a combination of traditions. Some converts from the Jewish faith continue to celebrate Jewish holidays, often inviting their new church friends to join them and to learn about their Old Testament past. Jesus himself celebrated the Passover and had Seder dinners. There is no reason you can’t have them now if you had them in the past.

As you learn what parts of your old life are appropriate for your new life, you can combine them to make the gospel personal and just right for you.

The first year of church membership is challenging. The new member has just made a tremendous commitment, and may be nervous and worried about whether he made the right choice. As he begins to see that members are less than perfect, and learns things about the church that puzzle him, he may find doubts creeping in. Old friends and family who are not members may work to plant those doubts.

As a friend, you can have a great impact on how the new member handles this time. He will often turn to you, as someone he trusts, to explore any concerns or questions he has. Perhaps he will say, “In my old church we never did this. I’m not sure I’m comfortable with it.” How will you respond? If you scold, he will never come to you again. If you agree that you don’t really like that rule either, and don’t offer anything further, you will reinforce his concerns. But suppose, instead, you said, “I can see how this might be challenging for you. I’ve thought about it, and here’s what I think.” Then if you explained why you feel this is the way Heavenly Father wants it to be, if you bear testimony and perhaps guide him to the scriptures or the words of the prophets, you not only reassure him, but you show him how to face similar challenges. Help him learn what you do when a doubt creeps in.

How do you talk about the church? Do you complain about your callings? Do you fuss about a rule that keeps you from teaching the way you want to teach? Are you cranky about meetings you have to attend? All of these negatives can affect a new convert’s view of the church. While you may know you don’t really feel this way, or don’t feel this way most of the time, your friend isn’t seeing that balance. Instead, he may begin to see the church as a burden, rather than a blessing.

Pay attention to how you talk about your faith. Remember to look for the good and to talk about the good. You know it’s there. You think about it and pray about it all the time. Now, remember to talk about it. Let the joy you have found in the gospel shine through your voice and your face. Let your attitude be a constant testimony of the good that comes from living the gospel. Pay attention to the blessings and share them openly and often. Your attitude will help your friend establish a tradition of gratitude and activity.

If your ward has few baptisms, you may not be aware of the special needs of new members in the class you teach. A new member comes to your class without the background in doctrine, and without the understanding of how to do things. In addition, he may not have a testimony of the topic you’re teaching.

Your first responsibility to this member is to make sure he isn’t sitting alone. If he comes in and sits down by himself, find a way to arrange for him to sit with someone else. For instance, you might go to Brother Jones and say, “Did you know that Brother Wilson builds model trains also? I’d like you to meet him.” Then take the experienced member to the new member and get them started on a conversation. It’s likely, since class will start a few moments later, they will wind up sitting together. If you often have new members, call some outgoing class members and ask them to make a special effort to find someone who is sitting alone next week. While each person can take responsibility for this, the teacher sets the tone.

Be careful not to call on new members unexpectedly. The first time I attended Seminary (a class for teenagers held on weekdays to teach the scriptures) I was asked to pray. I had no idea how to pray or how to get out of having to pray, since I wasn’t even a member yet. A friend quickly stepped in and handled it for me. However, as the teacher, if you want to ask a new member to pray, call him at home a few days before and ask him if he’d be willing to do this. If he is, this gives him time to prepare. If he isn’t ready yet, don’t pressure him.

New members often have difficulty locating scriptures. Be sure to give a page number, and if your new member uses the missionary edition, be certain you know the page number in that edition as well. You can also ask a more experienced member to sit with the new member and help him find the scriptures.

Never call on a new member to answer a question unless he raises his hand. Then, if he gives an incorrect answer, be prepared with a gentle correction. Often you can pull something correct from his answer and then go into more explanation, which corrects the answer, but doesn’t refer to the answer he gave. If his answer is correct for other churches, but not ours you can help other class members know this is the source of the answer. “You’re right—many churches do teach that. In fact, Joseph Smith wondered about this and so…”

Help your new member become a participant by giving him non-threatening ways to help out. Ask in advance, if you know he reads well, if he would read something during the lesson, or invite him to help you with a demonstration. There are times when a new member’s perspective is just what the lesson needs, and you can invite him, during the week, to share this. “Sister Watson, our lesson this week is on member missionary work. I wonder if you would share how Sister Cann came to invite you to church and what role she played in your conversion.”

You are in an ideal position to help a new member feel warmly loved and wanted in your classroom. Just a little bit of careful planning can bring your new student into full participation.

When we call someone to a position within our organizations, we often assume she has a certain amount of knowledge, even if she has never held that particular calling. When we call a new member to a position, we must be careful never to assume anything at all. If you have been in the church all your life, you might be surprised to discover how many things are not obvious to converts.

Although you probably orient all your new board members, prepare to spend an extra amount of time with your new convert. Explain the purpose of the organization and how the calling fits into that purpose. Help her to understand why her calling is important, even if she is in charge of straightening hymn books or greeting people at the door.

As a new convert, she won’t understand who to report to or even what to report, so make a handout she can keep that has everything she needs to know—purpose of the calling, meeting schedules, reporting structure, and duties. List resources that can help her find more about her calling, such as LDS.org’s Serving in the Church section.

A new convert doesn’t know church rules and probably can’t guess them based on past experience. Include information on the details. For instance, a new convert may not realize Primary children can’t be fed during Primary, other than in nursery, and they may also not know what the rules are for asking for money.

New members also don’t realize they can submit receipts for their expenses. Explain any budget that comes with the calling and how to get reimbursed. Make sure she understands she’s expected to be reimbursed, and not use her own money.

My first Primary calling was very traumatic because I was placed into a Primary classroom as a teenaged covert with seventeen preschoolers, several of whom had disabilities. No one thought to tell me how to prepare a lesson or cope with discipline. The only training I received was in working with the disabled children and that came from another ward member, not the leadership. It was well known that I liked children, so no one realized I had never taught before. When everything went wrong, I sat in my classroom and cried. I was afraid to admit I couldn’t handle the task I’d been given and had no idea how to get help.

Be certain you find out how much experience the new convert has and what type of help she needs. Let her know she can call you for advice. Then check on her each week for a time to see if she is comfortable with the calling or if she has questions. Make sure she understands no one is perfect on the first try (or ever) and so she can expect the calling to be hard for a while as she learns how to do it, but that she has your support.

Seek out compliments on her performance. If she is teaching Primary, ask the children or parents to tell you the good things, and then pass those along. Second hand compliments hold a lot of power, because the receiver presumes the compliment wasn’t just an act of courtesy.

Your support of the new convert can affect how she feels about callings and even her new church for many years to come. The leader is in an excellent position to provide the fellowship a new member needs.

When a new member or an investigator comes to the church through the missionaries or a media referral, they are at a huge disadvantage. They haven’t any friends in the ward. There is no one, other than the missionaries who will eventually leave, for them to turn to with questions or concerns. I remember, as a new member, being embarrassed to ask questions or express doubts. My lack of a complete testimony, even after baptism, embarrassed me and I didn’t really feel safe enough to admit to anyone that I lacked a complete testimony at that time.

Every member can adopt a new convert or investigator without waiting for an official calling as a ward missionary. The most important part of this mentoring opportunity is to listen without being judgmental. Not everyone comes into the church with an instant testimony. It can take years to work through the gospel to the point where they know it’s completely true. In the meantime, the investigator or new member needs someone who feels safe—someone who will listen to his doubts and help him understand the gospel.

Often this involves just listening for a long time, without judgment. Then the mentor can acknowledge the validity and reality of the doubts and guide the member to the steps necessary to find the truth. The mentor should be prepared to suggest scriptures, books, and talks to the member, perhaps loaning something from his own collection. It’s also important to remind them to pray, since God is the One who really knows the answer.

It’s important to respect the privacy of the member. When he confides in you, be certain not to pass that information along to others. He needs to know he can trust you with his feelings.

Try to pay attention to things a new member might not know. By being aware, you can prevent the member from being embarrassed or from making a mistake. I joined the church in high school, and the few other LDS students looked out for me. They warned me when an upcoming school event violated church standards, so I didn’t participate. They let me know if I needed to wear church clothes for an event. Before any new experience, they explained to me how it would go and what was expected of me. If I was among people who didn’t know me, they made sure I wouldn’t get called on to pray before I knew how. They helped me figure out how to explain a temple trip to my non-LDS parents. These things made me feel more secure in the first year, when every experience was a new one.

Mentoring a new investigator or member is a wonderful way to serve the Lord while making a new friend.

Though I am generally well-integrated into the Latter-day Saint lifestyle and culture, there are times when I am reminded that I was not raised in it. In my earliest months and years, I frequently experienced such moments. I often wondered if I would ever feel as “one of them” rather than an outsider privileged to enter into their circle. I imagine many new members experience similar feelings when they are learning how to fit in and feel accepted among their new peers.

Not only do new members have “the fullness of the everlasting gospel” to learn, but they also have an entire language, lifestyle and culture to learn as well. Some new members may have given up habits and lifestyles that were very difficult to leave behind. We're all creatures of habit and we all like to feel comfortable. For some, becoming a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is like moving to another country.

It is not an easy thing to become a member of this Church. In most cases it involves setting aside old habits, leaving old friends and associations, and stepping into a new society which is different and somewhat demanding (Gordon B. Hinckley, "Converts and Young Men," Ensign, May 1997).

Sadly, I have, on occasion, seen newly baptized members criticized and treated poorly because they may talk or act differently than seasoned members. Some weather such actions against them and lean on their belief in the doctrines of the Church. Others, however, are deeply hurt or offended and walk away. Church members need to remember that it is often a significant paradigm shift when becoming a member, and that takes time and patience.

New members need nurturing, and that nurturing must come from Church members, particularly those within their own ward (congregation). They need people who will accept them as they are while helping them to learn and grow toward their potential. They need to see friendly faces smiling at them when they walk into the building or classroom. They need to know that they are needed and wanted. They need true friends.

As members of the Church, we have the opportunity to shape the soil in which the new seedlings, or converts, try to grow. We can help provide either a nourishing or a hostile environment. In describing a nourishing environment, President Hinckley has stated that each new member "needs three things: a friend, a responsibility, and nurturing with ‘the good word of God' (Ensign, May 1997, 47)" (David E. Sorensen, “Why Baptism Is Not Enough,” Ensign, Apr 1999).

After a new member joins your ward, reach out to her. Walk up to her and introduce yourself and your family (if applicable) and what responsibilities you have in the ward. Tell her that she can contact you if she has any questions or needs some support. When she does, do all you can to be kind and accepting. You never know, she might become a cherished friend.

As I reflect back on my 16 years as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I remember many blunders and offenses – either on my part or that of other members. Thankfully I have weathered the fierce winds that blew. I'm still here to tell the tale. I also remember with fondness the members who accepted me as I was at the time yet encouraged me to grow. I will always be grateful for their friendship and kindness.