New Members

I started college less than six months after joining the church. Because I graduated a year early, I started a local school, but knew no one. Soon after starting, I met an LDS student in the LDS section of the college library, and she introduced me to the Institute of Religion. The Institute program is designed for young adults, generally ages 18-30. Many colleges have a building near the campus, where students can take classes and socialize in a safe environment. In places where there aren’t enough students for that, classes are held in the evenings.

For me, the Institute building became my home and security blanket as I navigated college as a somewhat younger than average student. For the first time, I encountered professors who were happy to attack the church in class, and, being new to the church, I had no answers for their attacks. When these things happened, I was able to drop by the Institute after classes and find someone to explain to me what I had heard. This helped to keep my new faith strong and to stand up to negative pressure.

The classes were high level gospel study, with a satisfying dose of scholarly background information added in for good measure, since credits earned there generally transferred to church schools. I soon learned all the things my long-term LDS friends knew already—how the leadership of the church operated, what the history of the church was, and how LDS family life was supposed to work.

The adults who worked in the building were a source of wise counsel when I faced the challenges of learning to be an LDS adult. The friends I made there shared my own values, and balanced the pressure to adopt new values that were more common among my non-LDS friends. It was easier to hold out when there were other church members in my everyday life.
Since the credits earned in seminary do transfer to church schools, there was homework and there were tests. It was sometimes hard to juggle those extra classes, since, as a new convert hungry for the gospel, I took every class I could, but it was well worth the extra work. I don’t remember many of the things I learned in my academic classes, but the lessons learned in that seminary building on the hill are used every day of my adult life.

"We hope that all for whom these programs are available will take advantage of them. Knowledge of the gospel will be increased, faith will be strengthened, and you will enjoy wonderful associations and friendships with those of your own kind"

President Gordon B. Hinckley, "Of Missions, Temples and Stewardship", Ensign, November 1995, 51

The last thing my new LDS friends convinced me to attend was seminary. After all, it was held very early in the morning before school and I was not a morning person. As strong as my new testimony was, I wasn’t sure it was strong enough to make me get out of bed before daylight to learn the gospel.

Once I went however, you couldn’t keep me away. I learned so much more in that hour of religion than I learned in the shorter Sunday School class. Even more importantly, I began to treasure the feeling I took with me to school each day. Because I was the only member of the church in my family, I was not awakening to family prayer and scripture study. Attending seminary, however, allowed me to start my day with the gospel and to carry the spirit with me to school. It seemed like school went so much better when I went to seminary. I found it easier to resist temptation, to handle pressure from non-LDS friends, and to remember the new standards of life I had chosen for myself. My mood was better, my grades improved, and I was less concerned with the things that didn’t matter.

It wasn’t magic. Some days I didn’t allow the spiritual uplift to stay with me. I still had trials, hard days, temptations, and hurt feelings. More often than not, however, the days were better when I started with the gospel.

Getting up early was hard, but I soon learned it was easier if I prepared properly. I went to bed earlier, so I wasn’t tired. Then I decided the frantic rush with a half-put together mind was keeping me from getting the full benefit of the experience. I began to prepare the night before by setting out my clothing and school supplies, being sure homework was complete, and checking to see if there was anything for breakfast.

In the morning, I allowed enough time to get completely ready, since I didn’t return home afterwards, and to eat a decent breakfast. I wanted to be sure I had plenty of time for morning prayers as well, so the spirit was with me before I arrived, and I wasn’t dependent on the teacher to bring it in herself.

While it seemed very difficult initially, over time, the new schedule became natural and I began to enjoy starting my day in a quiet house, with the gospel to look forward to before a long day of school.

Although your previous religion, like many others, may have encouraged prayers to be said in modern language, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints asks it members to use a special prayer language—that of the King James Bible, and given to us in the examples of the Savior’s prayers to His Father.

We use this special language to show respect for Heavenly Father when we pray. It’s a way of giving honor to him, in the same way we would dress nicely to meet an important leader and avoid calling someone we admire and look up to by casual, disrespectful names. No one matters more to us than Heavenly Father and the Savior, and so we speak to them in words that given the highest respect—not showy words, but special, Biblical words.

Heavenly Father will gladly hear and answer your prayers before you know the right words. He understands that it takes time to learn how to do things, especially if you’ve always done them differently in the past. He wants to hear from you regardless of the language you use in your early prayers. However, as soon as possible, begin practicing using the special words of prayer.

The most important words to remember are thee, thou, thine, and thy. They replace the words you, your, and yours.

Let’s take a look at the Lord’s Prayer, offered by Jesus, himself, as a model for us to follow: (Matthew 6)

Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name.
10 Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.
11 Give us this day our daily bread.
12 And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.
13 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen.

Notice that the prayer begins by addressing Heavenly Father by name. Most church members add an affectionate term before His name, such as dear, or beloved, so they would say, “Our beloved Father in Heaven” in a public prayer, and “My beloved Father in Heaven” in a personal prayer.

In the first line, we have the word “thy.” What does it mean? It says that God’s name is hallowed, so “thy” means “your.” If you remember that phrase from the Lord’s Prayer, it will help you remember that the word “thy” means “your.”

In verse 13, we have the word “thine.” “For thine is the kingdom.” Whose kingdom is it? God the Father’s kingdom, and that’s who we are talking to. So “thine” means “yours.”

You will often hear people say in their prayers, “We ask thee” or “we thank thee.” Thee means “you.” In the Bible, we often hear the words, “Thou art.” Thou means “you.” Art means “are.”

Jesus does not close this prayer in His own name, since he was still alive, and so we couldn’t yet pray through Him. However, in modern revelation, we’ve learned that this is what we should do.

Once you’ve mastered these words, you will find the language of prayer to be very natural to you. While you may find yourself concentrating hard at the beginning, soon it will feel odd to pray any other way. Just remember, God is patient while you learn.

For more on this subject, read, Dallin H. Oaks, “The Language of Prayer,” Ensign, May 1993, 15.

When I first joined the church, I was accustomed to reciting my prayers, perhaps with a few “please blesses” tacked on for good measure. Now the missionaries wanted me to offer a very personal prayer, a conversation between God and me. I found this challenging to do at first.

We pray to God the Father in the name of the Savior, so I found it helpful to look for a few moments of a picture of the Savior, or perhaps a picture of the First Vision, to remind myself that I was talking to someone who is real. The Savior, being God’s son, would look much like Him, and so looking at the Savior’s picture helped me to envision His Father. When I could picture a real and living God clearly in my mind, it was easier to hold a conversation.

It also helped to think before I prayed. Instead of simply kneeling the moment I reached my room, I spent some quiet time preparing for prayer. Reading the scriptures, writing in my journal, and thinking about my day, my testimony, and my needs helped me to decide what I wanted to talk to God about that evening. In the morning, I also spent time thinking about my upcoming morning prayer, often before I tumbled out of bed.

“Will prayers that do not demand much of your thought merit much attention from our Heavenly Father? When you find yourself getting into a routine with your prayers, step back and think. Meditate for a while on the things for which you really are grateful. Look for them. They don’t have to be grand or glorious. Sometimes we should express our gratitude for the small and simple things like the scent of the rain, the taste of your favorite food, or the sound of a loved one’s voice.”-- Joseph B. Wirthlin, “Improving Our Prayers,” Ensign, Mar 2004, 24–31

I practiced the formal language of prayer, so that getting the structure and language right wasn’t a distraction. This way, the words thee and thou felt natural and comfortable as I spoke, and didn’t prevent me from feeling that I was talking to someone I knew and loved.

I learned to make certain I had plenty of time to pray. Sometimes I waited so long to start I was nearly asleep before I knelt down. These prayers were seldom meaningful. If, however, I started my prayer before I was sleepy, and got up early enough in the morning that I wasn’t rushed, I was more likely to pray with meaning. The longer I prayed, the more meaningful and personal the prayers became. I ran out of the standard things to say and had to just talk, and when I started talking from my heart, the real prayer began.

Sometimes saying nothing at all can be the most personal part of the prayer. As I stopped talking and just sat quietly, listening and waiting for the Spirit, I felt closer to Heavenly Father than when I was actually talking. Quietness is a prayer when you’re paying attention to the Spirit.

“Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.”—The Family: A Proclamation to the World

God planned family as the best way for us to achieve some of the most important goals of salvation. In ideal situations, children are first taught right and wrong, and eternal truths at home from their parents. They are taught love by being loved, and responsibility and socialization by being a part of a functioning home. Of course, not everyone has the opportunity for such perfect conditions, and often converts don’t learn of God’s plan for families until they are already divorced or have made other choices they would not make today. By the time a parent converts, children might already have gone astray, or a spouse may be unwilling to join the church and participate in the change. However, the gospel doesn’t require us to begin at the beginning. We can start where we are.

You can make your family an LDS family starting today, regardless of your starting point. Start where you are, with what you have, and take steps to move further toward the ideal. Every small bit of progress is good. Don’t compare your progress to that of others. Work with Heavenly Father and, if needed, your priesthood leaders, to determine how you’re doing.

The first step is to make your family a priority. Television, clubs, hobbies, and friends are all distractions from the core of the circle God placed you into. This is not to say you can’t have any of those things, only that they must never get in the way of building your eternal family. Simplifying life can bring more time to spend together as a family. Church programs such as family home evening, family scripture study, and family prayer give you set ways to spend some time together each day.

When your family has challenges, use a family council to resolve them, even if you’re the only one who attends. Invite God to attend with you and work out solutions. Be patient. Alma the Younger rebelled against his family, and his father was a prophet. It was the prayers of the parents that eventually returned Alma to the family and the proper path, but it was a long and scary time before that happened. His parents probably didn’t know for sure he’d return, but they never gave up hoping and praying. Hope and prayer are gifts we can give even the most rebellious child.

Talk about family to your family. You needn’t preach. But share with them what your new religion has taught you about the blessings and responsibilities of family life and ask for their participation in turning your family into an LDS family. The process may be slow, but the rewards are great.

There are two types of songs used in the Primary program. (Primary is the organization for children ages 18 months to twelve years.) The first are commonly called wiggle songs. These are fun action songs, designed to help children who have been sitting quietly for too long have an opportunity to move in a way that is appropriate for church. They aren’t irreverent, just active and bouncy, but they are on topics appropriate to be sung in church, such as nature, our bodies, or service.

The second type of song is the hymn, but written for a child. Although we call them Primary songs, they are really sacred hymns. They teach the gospel through song and are quieter.

We can use both types of songs in our homes to help our children learn their new religion, and also to help bring the spirit into our homes. Music can be a unifying factor, and a fun way to introduce good concepts.

I used Primary songs as lullabies when my children were small. They are peaceful and invite the spirit, which can help a child feel safe as he falls asleep. This gave the songs an association with comfort as well.

The peppier songs are fun to sing while you work together around the house. The children are entertained and less likely to argue or complain when they’re singing gospel songs. They also make good car songs.

The spiritual songs can be sung anytime. When a child is facing a challenge or has a question about his new religion, check to see if there is a Primary song on the subject. The songs can give a child courage to face what is ahead or help him understand the doctrine. There is something about singing a song repeatedly that helps put the message into a child’s heart, often helping him understand it in ways talking cannot.

For example, “A Child’s Prayer” is about a child who wonders if God is real, and if He can actually hear children pray. A child who wonders about this might feel safer singing the worry than saying it. He might feel it’s wrong to doubt God. However, he is just singing a song, so it will feel okay. Then, as the child in the song learns to understand God’s love for him, your own child can also understand that God is, indeed, real, and will not only hear his prayers, but answer them.

Fill your home with the music the church has written for its children and watch their newfound testimonies grow.

Some of the songs you sing as you begin attending church will be familiar to you from your previous churches, but many will be new. The hymns are not just a way to take a break. They serve many important purposes in our services and meetings.

The hymns help to establish a tone of reverence. When I teach children, I can often calm them by having them sing. It draws them together, unifying them as they all sing the same words and (more or less) the same tune. If they’re overly excited, a quiet song will settle them down. If they’re bored, a song will bring them back and refocus them. This is also true in adult meetings. People enter a meeting thinking of their last class, the process of getting ready, what they’ll fix for dinner when they get home, and what they will teach in the class coming up. However, the moment the hymn begins, they are drawn into the meeting in progress, and it soothes their souls so they are ready for the prayer and lesson. The closing song sends them home in a reverent mood.

The hymns are a form of bearing testimony and teaching gospel. The first time I ever attended church, I learned of several LDS doctrine through the opening song. The spirit testified to me these teachings were true. Some of them were things I had already known, but had not been able to find in other churches, and so the hymn was a lesson to me that I had finally come home.

As you sing the songs in your meetings, listen carefully to the words. Think about the message the song is teaching. Even if you don’t sing well, sing with feeling. Imagine yourself bearing testimony of the things the hymn teaches. They are a prayer and a testimony to your Heavenly Father, and thinking about the words and the meanings of the hymn will give them power. You’ll feel the spirit grow as you’re singing, and when the lesson starts, you’ll be better prepared to learn the gospel in your class.

Most of the hymns are online at LDS.org. Take time each week to read and study one of them, perhaps one you sang the week before. Become familiar with the words, the doctrines, and the messages the hymns offer. The next time you sing the hymn in a meeting, it will have more power to convert and inspire, because you’ll be familiar with their messages.

In general, LDS sacrament meetings require little more than reverent attention of its members. However, the passing of the sacrament, similar to communion in other churches, is one part of the meeting in which we all participate.

The sacrament allows us to renew our baptismal covenants and be reminded of the promises God made to us at that time and that we made to God. Ask your missionaries if you should take the Sacrament when it’s passed. While it is meant to renew covenants, no one will be offended if you choose to partake before your baptism. Children are allowed to do so even before they turn eight years old, the age of baptism.

The sacrament is based on the Last Supper. This was the last time the Savior met with his apostles. He broke bread and told them to eat it in remembrance of his body, which died for them. Then he gave them wine, which was to be taken in remembrance of the blood he shed for them on the cross. He repeated this ordinance in his visit to the Nephites, recorded in the Book of Mormon.

Today, we are also commanded to partake of this special ordinance. We use water instead of wine today, but the remembrance is the same.

The members prepare for the taking of the sacrament by singing a sacrament hymn. The hymn is one specifically chosen to help us remember the purpose of what we are about to do. There are many LDS hymns on this subject, and the music leaders select different ones each week. LDS.org, the official church site, has the words and music to many of these hymns, which can be listened to or downloaded at no cost. Look under the heading Sacrament.

On the stand in the chapel, you will see two priesthood holders, who hold the priesthood level of priest (minimum age sixteen) or higher, preparing the Sacrament during the hymn. They break the bread. The water was placed in small cups prior to the meeting. When the song ends, the members of the congregation bow their heads, close their eyes, and listen carefully to the sacrament prayer on the bread, given by a priest who is kneeling. Members remain in their seats.

Then boys or men who hold the priesthood level of deacon (minimum age twelve) or higher pass the sacrament to the members of the congregation. When they reach your aisle, they will hold the tray for the first person, who takes a single piece of bread with his right hand and eats it. He then takes the tray and holds it for the next person. This continues until the end of the aisle, when another deacon takes it. If you’re in a pew on the wall or have a large space between you and the next person, the last person should return it to the deacon who gave it to you or pass it back down the row to him. Parents should assist small children. People who are in the foyer, perhaps because their children are fussing, are taken the sacrament there.

You can read the words of the two prayers in the Doctrine and Covenants, section 20, verses 77-79.

If you are on the end of the aisle and can’t remember what to do, ask the deacon or a member near you for help. They will be happy to show you what to do.

This process is repeated for the water. Take the small individual cup when offered, and then place it in the center of the tray when you're finished.

While waiting for the sacrament to be passed, members silently read scriptures about the Savior or ponder his life. Small children often find it helpful to look at pictures of the Savior while they wait. Members should attempt to not leave the chapel during this time. The doors are closed so others cannot enter, as well. It is meant to be a very quiet and reverent moment of communion with the Savior.

To learn more about the Sacrament, read the chapter on the sacrament in the Gospel Principles book. It is free to read in its entirety and is a basic introduction to church doctrine.

Have you seen a space on your tithing slip for fast offerings? Here's where the money you donate to that program will go:

We’re asked to fast once a month, skipping two meals, doing without food or liquid for 24 hours. Then we donate this money to those who might skip all their meals if we didn’t help. We’re giving, but not cutting into our own budget. If you’re unable to fast, be creative and find something else you can sacrifice to provide that money. Some people who are unable to fast go without snacks until they’ve saved the amount they would have donated without a fast. Others have very plain meals, just enough to meet their needs without anything extra and come up with the money that way.

Fast offerings are a powerful gift. So often we read about hunger throughout the world and feel helpless. The Lord has given us a way, though, to make a difference within our own sphere, to help people we know and care about, to give to those the bishop has personally determined to be in true need. Giving to those in need, when it’s our turn to be prosperous, or comparatively so, allows us to strive toward the eventual goal of our faith. We can become like the city of Enoch, for example. The City of Enoch became Zion, and God dwelt there with his people. “And the Lord called his people Zion, because they were of one heart and one mind, and dwelt in righteousness; and there was no poor among them.” (Moses 7:18.) “There was no contention among all the people.” (4 Ne. 1:13.) “They did walk after the commandments which they had received from their Lord and their God.” (4 Ne. 1:12.) “The love of God … did dwell in the hearts of the people.” (4 Ne. 1:15.) “They had all things common among them.” (4 Ne. 1:3.) “There was no poor among them.” (Moses 7:18.)

Wouldn’t you love to live in such a society, where there is no contention, no poverty, everyone sharing with one another out of love, not through taxation or programs, but simply people reaching out to one another? It’s happened several times in this earth time. The people of Melchizedek in Abraham’s time reached this level. The New Testament Saints following the Savior’s earthly ministry lived this way. The Nephites who were visited by the resurrected Christ also achieved this celestial level of living. It’s been done and it can be done again. If we can’t end the selfishness of the outside world, we can certainly end it in our own personal world. We can start by making generous fast offerings. When we envision the costs of the meals we’re skipping, we can think feast, not macaroni and cheese. Then we can look beyond that to find those in need in our own little universe.

As a new church member, you are asked to begin taking responsibility for your own needs and those of your family.

Provident Living means taking care of ourselves. We’re advised to prepare ourselves for any emergency: to gain an education or training, to stay out of debt, to build savings and a year of food to get us through the hard times. We might not be able to buy a year of food all at once, but we can buy a few extras each week, and over time, we’ll have enough. It’s less expensive to buy in bulk, so, when we’ve built our supplies and don’t have to buy everything every week, we’ll save money simply by being able to buy only on sale or in large quantities.

We first do everything in our own power to be able to take care of ourselves in hard times. This means that when the world falls apart, we evaluate our own resources to decide how we can take care of ourselves. We cut expenses and live more simply. When those resources come to an end, we turn to our families. Only then, when family can’t help, do we go to the church for assistance. In the Conference Report, Oct. 1977, 124, we read, "No true Latter-day Saint, while physically and emotionally able will voluntarily shift the burden of his own or his family's well-being to someone else"

When times do occur in which the church must help, it doesn’t send a monthly welfare check. Food is provided, other needs are met—those necessary to sustain life, not as we lived it before, but enough to survive very simply until we’ve gotten back on our feet. And it isn’t a handout. We’re asked to work for what we receive. The work may not always equal what we receive, but it’s assigned according to our abilities at the time.

This work allows us to maintain our dignity and self-respect. We aren’t people taking a handout. We’re proud, capable people working to support ourselves and our family. We know this is just a temporary place in a long life of hard work and service. Church welfare is never meant to be a permanent way to survive, but rather a stepping stone to self-sufficiency. “It has always been a cardinal teaching with the Latter-day Saints,” President Joseph F. Smith wrote, “that a religion which has not the power to save people temporally and make them prosperous and happy here, cannot be depended upon to save them spiritually, to exalt them in the life to come.”

The church offers temporary relief for physical needs, assistance in finding a job, literacy assistance, and other types of short term help required to help us become self-sufficient.

As the church allows us to sustain the most basic needs, we’re expected to continue doing our part. We accept callings and sign up for service projects. When we go to pick up our food order, we stay an extra few hours and work at the storehouse. We sign up to clean the building.

But there is more to it than just paying for what we get. It’s our responsibility to improve our skills so we can move away from needing help. If we can’t read, we get help learning to read. If we don’t know how to write a resume or look for work, we learn. We can learn to live on less money by improving our ability to cook from scratch or to sew. The church can teach you, but can't do it for you.

The church’s internet website has a large section called Provident Living. On this site you can take self-taught classes on budgeting, food storage, and other aspects of being totally self-reliant.

As a new member, you may be wondering what the church welfare program is about. Its purposes are somewhat different than many government programs.

If the Savior were to arrive in in your town next week, we wouldn’t find him in the mansions, sitting at a well-appointed dinner table or sleeping in an elegant guest room. If we wanted to track him down, we’d have to head for the very poorest neighborhood, where the needs are greatest. There we’d find him, teaching the gospel or with his sleeves rolled up, serving wherever he was needed. It’s how he lived his life on earth—healing the sick, feeding the hungry, and nourishing the spirit.

It’s this example we try to follow in our own lives today, and it’s this example the church follows as it develops, under the Savior’s direction, its own welfare programs. The world is sometimes confused by the title of our program, since it isn’t welfare the world’s way—it’s welfare the Lord’s way.

The church has always focused on serving those who are in need. In 1834, The Lord declared in a revelation to the Prophet Joseph Smith: “It is my purpose to provide for my saints. … But it must needs be done in mine own way; and behold this is the way that I, the Lord, have decreed to provide for my saints, that the poor shall be exalted, in that the rich are made low.” (D&C 104:15-16)

In modern times, the current welfare program began in the midst of the Great Depression. During the October 1936 conference, the First Presidency said, “Our primary purpose was to set up, in so far as it might be possible, a system under which the curse of idleness would be done away with, the evils of a dole abolished, and independence, industry, thrift and self respect be once more established amongst our people. The aim of the Church is to help the people to help themselves. Work is to be re-enthroned as the ruling principle of the lives of our Church membership.” (In Conference Report, Oct. 1936, p. 3.)

A welfare program that did away with the dole? Welfare the Lord’s way isn’t ordinary charity. It isn’t a handout. It isn’t a lifestyle. So what is it?

The church’s Provident Living site explains our program this way: “The aims of Church welfare are spiritual. Members and others are helped to help themselves, ensuring that the needy are able to maintain dignity and self-respect as they strive toward self-reliance and providing opportunity for all to give of themselves in work and service to others.

"The real long-term objective of the Welfare Plan is the building of character in the members of the Church, givers and receivers, rescuing all that is finest down deep inside of them, and bringing to flower and fruitage the latent richness of the spirit, which after all is the mission and purpose and reason for being of this Church" (Albert E. Bowen, The Church Welfare Plan, 44).”

For many new converts, the promise of an eternal family is one of the greatest blessings the gospel has to offer. In the year or so a new member has to wait for that privilege, he should not just wait, but prepare. There are many things you can do to prepare to go to the temple, but there are also things you can do to bring your marriage to a level compatible with eternity. The temple ceremony is only one step in the process of eternal marriage, and in some ways, the easiest. The hardest part is treating your spouse as someone you love so much you can’t bear the thought of eternity without him, and doing it even on the days you want to throw something at him.

Valentine’s Day is a once-a-year opportunity to tell your spouse you love him. Flowers, chocolates, mushy cards…,but when the day ends, how do you show it all the other days? Do your actions the other 364 days of the year match those of Valentine’s Day? No, you don’t have to send flowers every day, but every day there should be little ways of building for eternity.

James E. Faust, a former member of the First Presidency, said,

We build our marriages with endless friendship, confidence, and integrity and also by ministering to and sustaining each other in our difficulties….

First, am I able to think of the interest of my marriage and spouse first before I think of my own desires?
Second, how deep is my commitment to my companion, aside from any other interests?
Third, is he or she my best friend?
Fourth, do I have respect for the dignity of my spouse as a person of worth and value?
Fifth, do we quarrel over money? Money itself seems neither to make a couple happy, nor the lack of it, necessarily, to make them unhappy. A quarrel over money is often a symbol of selfishness.
Sixth, is there a spiritually sanctifying bond between us?
James E. Faust, “Enriching Your Marriage,” Ensign, Apr 2007, 4–8

The gospel has every tool we need to improve our marriages so we will want them to last forever. By living the gospel, and becoming the kind of person Heavenly Father has asked us to become, we can also become the kind of person our family will want with us forever. The teachings of the gospel show us how to become compassionate and unselfish. They teach us how to structure our family to minimize contention by assigning complimentary, but defined roles. They teach us to see the value in others.

You will find this waiting time the best of your life so far as you work to turn a temporal marriage into an eternal one.

Having a testimony doesn’t guarantee a conversion. I have known people who prayed to know if the church was true, received an affirmative answer, and then walked away from it out of fear or unwillingness to change or commit. In my own conversion process, I was initially afraid to make a final choice about which church to join, after many years of searching. It’s a scary thing to find the one true church, even when you’ve longed to find it, because it then requires much of you. Only later do you understand that what you receive is so much more than what you give.

“President Marion G. Romney (1897–1988), then a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, taught that a person who has a testimony may not also be converted. The two are not necessarily the same. He said that a testimony is a witness of the Spirit given when a person is taught the gospel. And then if the person responds to that experience, it causes the person to repent and obey the commandments and thus be baptized. Conversion, on the other hand, means knowing your sins have been forgiven and having your spirit healed. He said that a person will know he is converted by how he feels (see Conference Report, Oct. 1963, 24).”

While it is the Savior’s sacrifice that gave us life after death, and made it possible for us to return to our Heavenly Father, we must do our part as well if we want the complete blessings promised us. Everyone gets the gift of the Savior’s atonement. What do we give in return? Can one be truly converted and then casually live a life entirely removed from what the Savior has asked him to live?

Luke 6:46 And why call ye me, Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say?

A small child will touch a hot stove a time or two, because he doesn’t yet really believe it can hurt him. However, eventually he gains a “testimony” that touching a hot stove is very painful. Once that happens, he really believes he will be happier if he doesn’t touch it, so he never again does so intentionally. A child who suddenly discovers the joy of reading will read often. Before she finds reading a joy, she doesn’t bother unless someone makes her read.

In the same way, when we know—really know—that God loves us and we have a testimony of that love, we want to do the right thing. We may slip here and there—even as adults we sometimes touch hot stoves or forget to read for a while—but overall, we make the right choices because we don’t just have a testimony of the gospel; we are converted. President Harold B. Lee said,

“As you can see, one is converted when he sees with his eyes what he ought to see; when he hears with his ears what he ought to hear; and when he understands with his heart what he ought to understand. And what he ought to see, hear, and understand is truth—eternal truth—and then practice it. That is conversion.” (Stand Ye in Holy Places, Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1974, p. 92.)

In the past, you may have prayed to be spared all trials. Today, as a new member of the church, you may want to consider offering thanks for your trials. Dallin H. Oaks said, “Our needed conversions are often achieved more readily by suffering and adversity than by comfort and tranquility…”

Think of a time when you found yourself being stronger than you ever imagined, or doing something you never thought possible. Think of a time when you became more than you thought you could become. Nearly always, these times grew out of trials. Trials force us out of our comfort zone and require us to do or become what we would never bother to become on an ordinary, easy day. A mother who could never before learn a language learns sign language because her child is born deaf. It isn’t easier to learn, but she is motivated to push beyond previous limitations. A teenager who is shy reaches out to comfort another teen at the death of a mutual friend. She’s no less shy, but her own grief and compassion enable her to move beyond herself. A father facing unemployment and a nearly empty bank account struggles to hang on to his faith and emerges with a testimony greater than any he held previously.

I was once taught that my trials, which had been great, were to make it possible for me to serve others who faced the same trials. I was instructed to share with others what my trials had taught me, so their own testimonies could be strengthened. This taught me to watch for the lesson in the trials. What could I learn? How could I grow? And finally, when my own testimony was strengthened, how could I pass along my learning to others now facing those trials?

Over time, this led me to feel grateful for those past trials. Without them, I recognized that much of who I am today would not exist. My faith would be weaker, because I would never have been pushed to find out if my testimony could withstand the darker days of life. 2 Nephi 2:2, in the Book of Mormon, says “Nevertheless, Jacob, my first-born in the wilderness, thou knowest the greatness of God; and he shall consecrate thine afflictions for thy gain.”

I’ve always found Nephi to be a great example of this type of faith. His brothers repeatedly tried to kill him, and yet he used these experiences to become stronger. If he became discouraged, he reached deep inside for more faith, and all this led to his extraordinary skills as a prophet in his adult years. When I’m struggling with trials, I like to turn to Nephi, who despite the amazing number of terrible trials he faced, was still able to say that he had been blessed all the days of his life. He knew, better than most, that trials bring testimony when handled with faith.

As you’ve learned more about Jesus Christ, you have also learned to love Him in a way that may be more new and personal than ever before. As your love grows, you want to show Him how you feel. Dallin H. Oaks, a General Authority, said, “We are challenged to move through a process of conversion toward that status and condition called eternal life. This is achieved not just by doing what is right, but by doing it for the right reason—for the pure love of Christ.” (Dallin H. Oaks, “The Challenge to Become,” Ensign, Nov 2000, 32–34)

Doing the right thing—living the gospel and joining the church—is an important way to show the Savior you love Him, but you must do it for the right reasons. Doing it just to get the reward, or to please a friend might be a starting place, but it isn’t where you want to end up. You want to find yourself living the gospel for no reason other than your love for the Savior and for your Heavenly Father.

The stronger your love grows, the easier obedience will become. When you find you are good even when you have no material reason to be and no one on earth will know, you’ll realize your love is growing strong. With a powerful love in your heart it will be no hardship to make the right choices.

When we think of how we parent our own children, or our parents raised us, we can see the wisdom in this idea. Last week I watched a toddler for the day. It’s been a long time since I spent a day with a toddler and I was quickly reminded that they must be watched every moment. There are rules about what toddlers can and can’t do, but they don’t understand them, or, in general, care much about them. As they get a little older, they begin to memorize the rules, but they only know that if they follow them, they won’t get into trouble and they might get praised. The fear of punishment and the reward are the primary motivations.

But then one day, they are faced with a rule at a time when no one is watching and they obey it anyway, not because they are afraid of consequences, but because they’ve internalized the rule. They love their parents and want to be the person their parents want them to be. They believe in the rules themselves. And so, they are “good” for the right reason, and independent of any external consequence.

This is the highest level of obedience. Doing good for the pure love of Christ is a major step in the path back to our Father in Heaven.