New Members

One of the most exciting events for new members is to get the very first calling. A calling is a volunteer church position. It feels like such an honor—and it is—because it means you are trusted to take on a portion of the ward’s work. You’re a real part of the family when you have a job to do.

When a member of the bishopric offers you the calling, feel free to ask any questions you’d like. He won’t be able to answer all of them, but he will tell you as much as he can. It’s likely you won’t have any idea what the calling involves, so ask him to explain to you what it is. Since the calling is a surprise, however, you probably won’t think of the questions until you’re already home.

Don’t discuss your calling with anyone but your family until it’s announced in Sacrament Meeting. Callings are considered confidential until then.

You will be “set apart” to the calling by a priesthood holder. This is a priesthood blessing which gives you the symbolic keys to your job (not keys you can physically hold.) You’ll usually also be given specific advice or promises from Heavenly Father related to your calling or your personal life. Listen carefully to these and record them when you get home. They are a great help in understanding why you were given the calling and how to do it well. For me, they’re also a reminder that God knows my name and is paying attention to me.

Every calling reports to someone. Most likely, the person who called you will tell you who you will report to, or at least who is over the organization. Once your calling is announced, someone will contact you to tell you more about your duties. By then, you may have thought of more questions. No question is silly, so ask everything that occurs to you. If you feel uncertain about your ability to do the job, ask for help. Your leaders will be happy to give you more instruction until you’re comfortable. Even long-term members often get callings that feel overwhelming and have to ask for help.

No one expects you to be perfect at your calling. I generally feel that I won’t be given a calling that’s easy to do because I wouldn’t grow or learn from it. I expect the calling to be hard and to have things not go the way I hoped while I’m learning. I continue to ask for help and to pray and study. Eventually, I get the hang of it and my skills grow. I’ve learned I can do things I’m called to do that I never imagined being able to do.

Callings are one of God’s especially spectacular ideas. They allow us to have a sense of ownership in the church, of participating in its success. They also help us develop new skills and learn our full potential.

One of the challenges people face when returning to activity in the church is regaining their testimonies. Sometimes getting it back can seem more challenging than getting it the first time. The first time it was all new and exciting, while this time, you have to struggle with the parts of the gospel that caused you to falter.

The first step is to evaluate your relationship with God and the Savior. If this is weak, strengthening it is the most important thing to do. They are the only ones who really know if the church is true, so you need to be able to feel the spirit and to trust them to tell you the truth. Read the New Testament and the Book of Mormon to learn more about them. Spend time in prayer, so your relationship with your Heavenly Father becomes comfortable. Then, when it’s time to pray about the truthfulness of the gospel, you’ll recognize the answer when it comes.

Another important step is to look for gaps in your testimony. Is there an area of the gospel you aren’t comfortable with? Mormon.org is an official website for people who aren’t LDS. However, it’s a great resource for returning members as well. You can research church beliefs there. You can also go to LDS.org and research from the gospel library. This allows you to make sure you completely understand the doctrine. Watch the dates on the articles you read, paying closest attention to the newest ones. In a church with a living prophet, that is important. It’s important to get your information from the source, rather than wandering off to read opinions by people who are only offering opinions. If you want to know what the church teaches, ask the church, and then ask God.

One of the best ways to find out if a teaching is true is to try living it and see how it feels. I’ve found, over the years, that I know if I’m doing right or wrong. When I pay my tithing and have a good feeling inside, I can tell that feeling comes from God. Then I have a greater certainty that I’m making the right choices. I can then take those good feelings to my Heavenly Father and talk to Him about them. If you feel uneasy, you’re probably on the wrong path. “You cannot do wrong and feel right.” (David B. Haight, “A Time for Preparation,” Ensign, Nov 1991, 36)

Of all the methods you choose, however, the most important one is to ask God. He alone knows the full truth and you know He won’t mislead you.

Do you ever feel that when you were baptized you were dropped onto a strange new planet with a new language and jokes that don’t make sense? Perhaps because LDS people lived in such close proximity for many years, they developed their own unique culture. We tend to use phrases not heard in the ordinary world, and certain words that aren’t funny to anyone else can cause snickers among a group of Latter-day Saints. Following are a few oddities you may have heard about:

1. Mormon Standard Time

You know that Utah is in Mountain Standard Time. Church members have altered the initials for this time zone just a bit. If you’re on Mormon Standard Time, you’re late. You’re not fashionably late, mind you, just late. Why are church members consistently late for everything? One reason might be that they tend to have a large number of children to get ready. In addition, they must pull everything together for their callings. Of course, they also have a great many things to do before they can leave. In the morning, they probably have to have scripture study and prayer in addition to all the other things families normally do to get out the door. All this adds up to being consistently late.

2. BMW

No, you’re not automatically issued a BMW car when you join the church. In Mormon terminology, a BMW is a Big Mormon Wagon, usually a van. Look around the parking lot on Sunday morning or Wednesday night and you’ll notice a large number of vans, including some of those huge vans for large families. Not only do they have many children of their own, but they often find themselves driving a great many other children or teens as well.

3. Green jello

What is it with Mormons and green jello? They say Utah eats more jello than any other state---so much so that Bill Cosby was sent there to try to talk them into naming it the official state snack. I really have no idea how it all started, except that it’s fairly cheap to serve a large family. Relief Society meetings used to include a lot of jello “cooking” lessons. As for the green? Umm…maybe to make it look like a vegetable?

4. Funeral Potatoes

Mormons didn’t invent them, but they’ve certainly adopted them wholeheartedly. These involve shredded hash browns, cheese, cream soup, and something crunchy on top, usually corn flakes. There are many different variations on this recipe. At a recent church dinner, people were asked to bring them and no two pans were alike. Do some Internet searches and find the one that suits you best. Be sure to serve it with green jello and red punch, in order to be a "real" Mormon.

When a new member or an investigator comes to the church through the missionaries or a media referral, they are at a huge disadvantage. They haven’t any friends in the ward. There is no one, other than the missionaries who will eventually leave, for them to turn to with questions or concerns. I remember, as a new member, being embarrassed to ask questions or express doubts. My lack of a complete testimony, even after baptism, embarrassed me and I didn’t really feel safe enough to admit to anyone that I lacked a complete testimony at that time.

Every member can adopt a new convert or investigator without waiting for an official calling as a ward missionary. The most important part of this mentoring opportunity is to listen without being judgmental. Not everyone comes into the church with an instant testimony. It can take years to work through the gospel to the point where they know it’s completely true. In the meantime, the investigator or new member needs someone who feels safe—someone who will listen to his doubts and help him understand the gospel.

Often this involves just listening for a long time, without judgment. Then the mentor can acknowledge the validity and reality of the doubts and guide the member to the steps necessary to find the truth. The mentor should be prepared to suggest scriptures, books, and talks to the member, perhaps loaning something from his own collection. It’s also important to remind them to pray, since God is the One who really knows the answer.

It’s important to respect the privacy of the member. When he confides in you, be certain not to pass that information along to others. He needs to know he can trust you with his feelings.

Try to pay attention to things a new member might not know. By being aware, you can prevent the member from being embarrassed or from making a mistake. I joined the church in high school, and the few other LDS students looked out for me. They warned me when an upcoming school event violated church standards, so I didn’t participate. They let me know if I needed to wear church clothes for an event. Before any new experience, they explained to me how it would go and what was expected of me. If I was among people who didn’t know me, they made sure I wouldn’t get called on to pray before I knew how. They helped me figure out how to explain a temple trip to my non-LDS parents. These things made me feel more secure in the first year, when every experience was a new one.

Mentoring a new investigator or member is a wonderful way to serve the Lord while making a new friend.

Early in my investigation of the church as a teenager, I went on a campout with the Laurels (the sixteen and seventeen year old girls.) When I came home, my mother asked me what I thought of the trip. In awe, I said, “I’ve never prayed so much in my life. Every time we turned around, it was time for another prayer.”

Prayer was quite a challenge for me when I was first learning about the church. I had always prayed at bedtime, but they were memorized and recited prayers concluding with a list of people to bless. The idea of prayer as a conversation was new to me. In addition, I found it hard to remember to pray at other times of the day, and mornings were especially challenging for me.

I felt self-conscious at first, just talking to God. I was worried that I’d forget the pattern the missionaries outlined. They said to first address Him by name, then thank Him for my blessings, ask for what I needed, and conclude in the name of the Savior. I worried that if I did it wrong, my prayers wouldn’t make it to Heaven.

In time, my Laurel advisor taught me that God works with what we know. There is a pattern to follow, but He listens even if we don’t follow it. There are times when we’re having a spontaneous conversation with Him and won’t follow the pattern. There are times when we simply forget. God hears us anyway.

To help me learn the pattern, I wrote the steps on a card and placed it in front of me as I prayed. I opened my eyes before each step to remember what to do. Eventually the pattern was natural and I no longer needed it.

The next battle I faced was to remember to pray in the morning. Many members use a prayer rock or a prayer bear to help them remember. Choose something that represents prayer to you (such as a rock with the word prayer painted on it, or a teddy bear with a satchel holding a picture of Jesus) and place it on your pillow. At night, when you remove it from your pillow, you’ll be reminded to pray. When you put it back on your pillow in the morning, you’ll also be reminded. I also found it helpful to make a sign to put at the foot of my bed that I saw first thing in the morning, since I wasn’t a consistent bed-maker.

Making prayer a conversation was a bit more challenging. No little reminders could help me with that one. However, I placed pictures of the First Vision and the Savior near the bed and found it helpful to look at them just before and sometimes during my prayers. I tried to imagine God sitting right beside me as I talked to Him. As I got to know God better through study and prayer, conversation became more natural for me. In many ways, getting to know God isn’t much different than getting to know anyone else. The more time you spend together and the better you know each other, the more comfortable you are talking. So spend as much time as you can with your Heavenly Father and conversational prayer will soon feel natural to you.

For many investigators and new members, the missionaries are the direct link to the church. They’re in your home often and they know your family and your challenges. You trust them and when you have questions or challenges related to the gospel, you go to them first.

Unless you’re working with ward missionaries, there will come a day when your missionaries are transferred to a new location and no longer visit you. If you’ve been baptized, there will even come a time when the new missionaries no longer stop by to introduce themselves to you, or the old ones stop coming, and suddenly you don’t have regular contact with missionaries.

Although this is traumatic to new members, it’s actually something to be proud of. You’ve just graduated. At first, you needed regular contact with missionaries because they wanted to watch over you and be certain you would stay active and involved. They wanted to be on hand if you faced doubts or concerns. Now however, it’s been decided you’re strong and ready to go out on your own. You don’t need to be watched over as closely as before. You are, at that moment, a full-fledged member whose leaders have faith in your ability to live the gospel.

Of course, you haven’t been abandoned. Although the missionaries are no longer visiting you each week, there are others who will always watch over you and be available to help. You have probably been assigned home teachers and visiting teachers. A home teacher is a man who visits your entire family each month. A visiting teacher is a woman who visits adult female church members. These monthly visitors will serve much the same purpose as the missionaries. Each month, they will deliver a gospel message to you and check on you to see how you’re doing and what you might need. They serve as friends in the ward and can become your most important resources when you need advice or encouragement. Everyone gets these visitors, not just new members, so you are now living the life of a full church member.

You also have teachers and leaders who can be a resource for you. They can answer your gospel questions and guide you through the process of understanding the church.

Before the missionaries move on to newer investigators and members, make a point to make friends in your new ward. If no one approaches you, take the first steps. You’ll feel more secure when the missionaries are gone if you have good friends who can serve somewhat the same role as the missionaries. Friends are wonderful for helping you become an experienced church member. They can give you courage when the gospel seems hard and be a listening ear. They’re your extended family and you’ll need them.

Congratulations on your promotion!

As a teenaged convert, I found Sundays very stressful. I came home from church filled with the spirit and determined to keep the Sabbath Day Holy. Unfortunately, I tended to walk into a noisy, busy home where no one else was keeping the Sabbath Day holy, since none of my family joined the church. The television was blaring. People were running off to do fun activities together. Everyone played games, talked politics, and generally treated the day like any other. Within minutes, the spirit was gone and it was easy to be drawn into the worldly activities my family was doing. Sometimes I wasn’t even able to attend church, since my family requested my presence at a family outing in the early days of my church membership. I was frequently sent to the store for my parents on Sunday afternoons.

After a while, I had a long talk with my bishop about my frustrations. He was a convert also, and had faced the same challenges. Together, we worked out a plan. He suggested I run my parents’ errands in order to honor my parents, but ask on Saturday nights if they had anything they wanted me to do for them, since I’d prefer not to do them on Sunday. This reduced the number of store trips I had to make.

When I had to go with my family on an outing, or had to participate in a non-Sabbath day appropriate activity, I had to balance my actions as best I could. I couldn’t prevent my parents from spending money on the meals we ate out or on admissions, but I could minimize what was spent. I was careful not to purchase souvenirs, for example, or to express interest in something that might cause my parents to spend more money. When not interacting directly with my family, I tried to keep my mind focused on spiritual things. I thought about my church lessons, LDS books I was reading, and gospel principles I was trying to learn. I hummed church music quietly. I tried to engage my family in conversation that was gospel-appropriate. I told my family the things I was learning or asked questions about our family history.

I often had free time on the Sabbath, and I learned to use that time wisely. I went into a quiet room or to a quiet spot on the cliff where our home was to read scriptures or study the gospel. Since privacy was hard to come by, I sometimes went for a walk to pray or to ponder. My family was interested in genealogy, so I was often able to work with them on that subject during the Sabbath.

Once I had a Sunday calling, church attendance became easier. My parents believed in keeping our responsibilities, so they no longer asked me to miss church. They knew I had work to do.

God won’t hold you responsible for things you can’t control. On the Sabbath, keep the day as spiritual as possible. If you’re honoring your parents after your best efforts to make changes, He will accept your efforts on His behalf.

My first ward seemed to be entirely made up of descendants of the pioneers. In classes, everyone would take turns telling stories about their ancestors and I would sit silently, with nothing to say. I wondered if I was a second-class Mormon because, as a convert, I had no LDS history in my family.

Then someone told me that every Latter-day Saint family has a Mormon pioneer, and in mine, I was the pioneer. This was a puzzling thought to me. I realized, though, as I thought it over, that a pioneer is one who goes first. The early Saints aren’t important to the church’s history or future because they walked to Salt Lake City. They’re important because the had the courage to join a controversial church, live the gospel, and help to make it possible for their descendants—and through temple work, their ancestors—to have the gospel.

Everyday, people are becoming Mormon pioneers. All over the world, people are talking to members and missionaries, kneeling to pray about the gospel, and gaining a testimony. They commit to making important changes in their lives and accept baptism, often at great personal sacrifice. Some members today make sacrifices every bit as difficult as the ones made by the famous LDS pioneers of the 1800s. Some sacrifice their jobs, their homes, and their families when they choose the gospel. They are pioneers, blazing a gospel trail for those to come. Their willingness to take this challenging step benefits the church. From their legacies will come missionaries, bishops, Relief Society presidents, Primary teachers, and prophets.

The church’s story is one of pioneering efforts made every day in every country. You became a part of our pioneer heritage the day you opened your heart to the gospel. Your name will be spoken of with awe and honor by those who come after you. You gave them the gospel and the path will be easier for them as a result.

In addition to the pioneering we do ourselves, the traditionally defined Mormon pioneers are part of our own heritage. Even though we may not be a direct descendant, they blazed the trail that helped make the gospel available to us. Some of their descendants may have taught us the gospel, or taught those who taught us. They took the first steps to helping the church survive and to begin the growth that made it more likely we’d hear about the church.

When you joined the church, you became part of a large, extended family working for a common goal. As such, those early church pioneers are part of your family and your history. Enjoy them, and emulate them as you build your own pioneering story.

Returning to church after a period of inactivity can be scary. You’re not sure how others will receive you and you’re not sure how you’ll feel. You may still have unresolved issues that bombard your emotions as you walk back through that door.

Your first day back will be easier if you’re with another person. If your home and visiting teachers are still visiting you, tell them you’re coming and ask if you can sit with them during Sacrament Meeting. If not, you can call the bishop and ask that someone be watching for you when you arrive Sunday morning. Someone will gladly join you for the day and shelter you through your return.

If you’re on your own for the day, do whatever you need to do to feel comfortable. Remember that you’ll be more aware of yourself than others will. Many people may not know you and think you’re new. Others may act surprised to see you. Treat this as something fun. I knew someone who returned after decades away. She took pleasure in quietly seating herself behind or next to someone she knew and waiting for their shocked reaction when they saw her. This game took away the nervousness of wondering how people would take her return.

Most people will be genuinely happy you’re back. If anyone is thoughtless enough to ask why you left or why you returned (because they’re interested, not mean), simply smile and say, “It’s a long story, but the important thing is that I’m here. So tell me, what’s changed while I’ve been away?” This will distract them so you don’t have to answer.

Look around for friendly and familiar faces. If you don’t see anyone you know, choose someone to sit with. You’ll be happier if you don’t sit alone your first day. Introduce yourself, but don’t feel you have to tell your story right away. If they ask if you’re new, say, “I used to come to church here long ago. I’ve been away a long time.” Then be prepared to start asking them about themselves to deflect attention from your own story.

The success of your first visit is really up to you. You can’t control anyone else’s behavior but your own. I move a great deal, and I’ve learned that how I feel about a ward depends a great deal on how I choose to feel. If I walk into a ward and start watching for all the things they do “wrong” or count the number of people who greet me, I go home feeling I found a bad ward. If I go in determined to be happy, I notice all the great things and remember all the nice people. Then when I think about my day, I remember a wonderful ward. I can see almost any ward as good or bad, depending on what I choose to focus on. This can be difficult when you’re returning, because you may already be sensitive and watching for problems, but try to train yourself to see the good. It’s there, but sometimes the good people are quieter than the others.

After you return home, pray about your day home. If you can, talk to another church member about the experience. She can answer your questions and help you understand what you experienced and learned. Then commit yourself to continuing to attend church and return to full membership.

If you’ve stopped going to church, the decision to return can be a challenging one. There are many factors to consider and over the next week or so, I’ll be addressing some of the issue you’ll face during this time.

The first step is to remember why you left in the first place. Unless you address those issues, it’s likely your return won’t “stick.” There are a number of reasons that commonly cause people to stop going to church.

One reason is hurt feelings. Sometimes someone was criticized by a member for something church-related or even for a personal reason. The member wants to avoid the person who hurt her, so she stops coming to church. If this happened to you, you’ll need to decide how to handle the hurt feeling. You may want to talk it over with the person who hurt you. Often when we do this, we discover the other person really had no idea you’d been hurt, or that their intentions weren’t what they seemed. If you’re not comfortable talking about it, work to forgive the other person and to move on. We’ve all spoken insensitively at times and hurt another. It isn't right, but it happens.

Some people leave because a church leader upset them. A bishop gave advice they disliked, or made them uncomfortable in some way. While we know our leaders are chosen by God, we also know they’re human. Sometimes they make a mistake. On the other hand, it might also be that we were not accepting advice that truly came from God. Only you can decide which case is true for you. Examine your heart, and again, be prepared to forgive and to move on.

Others leave the church over doctrinal issues or worthiness issues. These can be overcome through prayer and study. Once you make an honest determination to gain a testimony, you can ask for help in going through the process of finding a strong testimony that will get you through any challenge. Your home and visiting teachers can be good resources for this. Worthiness issues can be taken up with your bishop.

Many people never made a formal decision to leave. They simply never really got into the habit of attending church and over time, they gradually came less and less, until they weren’t coming at all. For some, the gospel hadn’t become a habit yet. This takes practice and commitment. When I found it hard, as an investigator, to get into the habit of Sabbath attendance, the missionaries gave me some wise advice: Don’t make a decision every Sunday as to whether or not to go to church. Instead, make the decision once: I’m going to attend church every Sunday. Then when you get up on Sunday morning, you won’t need to debate with yourself, and you won’t risk talking yourself out of attending. Do this with each new commandment you decide to start keeping.

The further into the church you get, the easier it will be to stay active once you start going.

One of the challenges new members face is helping their children survive a long Sacrament Meeting. Often the children have never been to church or they went to a church with a nursery. Now they’re asked to stay with their parents, sitting quietly for quite a long time. Parents look around and see other children sitting silently by their parents and feel nervous about their own child’s wiggles.

Keep in mind that these children have been practicing since birth to learn how to behave in Sacrament Meeting. Even life-long members often have difficulty making it through the meeting, so your children probably don’t stand out to anyone else.

The goal is for them to eventually sit quietly and listen, but you can’t expect that to happen overnight if they’ve never done it before.

You can practice appropriate behavior at home by having the children sit quietly during scripture reading or some other type of reading. This lets you make comments privately about how they’re doing. Children can also learn to behave at concerts or other community events.

In church, take the children for a walk just before Sacrament Meeting begins. Take them to the restroom and to get a drink, and go the long way, so they have a chance to move. Then bring them in and settle them, reviewing the rules you taught at home. Bring one or two quiet, non-messy toys for them to use during the meeting, but don’t hand them out until after the Sacrament has been passed. When they’re making it that long without fussing, hold back the toys until after the first speaker. Then you’ll be able to remove them completely.

As soon as possible, allow only a book or doll. These are very quiet, sitting still items, and will help your child transition to sitting through the meeting. Some parents make a book by cutting out church related pictures and putting them into zippered sandwich bags. They punch a hole in the top corner of each bag and put them on a ring or yarn. This makes church-related book to look through during meetings.

If you need to take your child out because he’s misbehaving, avoid taking him to the foyer. There are usually children playing there and your child will misbehave in order to be able to go out and have fun. Instead, take him to a quiet room or corner, put him in a chair, and make him sit silently until he is bored. Then remind him of what he is missing. He will soon realize Sacrament Meeting is more interesting than sitting silently in a quiet, boring room.

It takes patience and consistency, but your child will soon be sitting quietly with the others. He may not reach perfection for many years, but you’ll be impressed with his progress.

When I first joined the church, everyone seemed so perfect. People seemed very nice to each other, and everyone appeared to live the gospel perfectly. The missionaries, knowing this illusion couldn’t last, told me something that seemed upsetting at the time, but that has gotten me through many hard times: The church is perfect…the people are not.

As you get to know people in the church better, you may find yourself occasionally disappointed. You’ll catch a leader breaking a small rule. A teacher will be unprepared. Someone will spread gossip. You may be unhappy to find out you haven’t already arrived at the Celestial Kingdom. Because you’re so new, you’re trying especially hard to do everything just right, and you’re overwhelmed by your joy and testimony. You wonder why everyone else isn’t as perfect as you’re trying to be.

To help you understand why people don’t stay at that same level of excitement, remember falling in love with your spouse. At first you were so excited you could hardly contain your joy. You thought of him every moment, and always put him first. You could put up with any imperfection. However, as you got to know each other better, and as your marriage progressed, you got used to being in love. The love wasn’t less, but the excitement and focus wasn’t the same as it once was.

This is how it is with the gospel. The newness wears off, and while your testimony will continue to grow even stronger, you’ll find it a little harder to be perfect all the time. You’ll become a little more like the person you were and have to work harder to call that powerful feeling back. This isn’t bad. No marriage stays on that initial high level forever, and no church member does either. The first excitement grows into a comfortable level of happiness and security that is easier to live with and just right for steady growth.

This means, though, that you are surrounded by members who are no longer leaping with joy over having a testimony. It’s hard to comprehend when you’re in the middle of it, but one day you’ll be there, too. So be patient with the faults of those around you. Everyone is trying the best he can, and each person is at a different place in his or her progress toward perfection. It may seem to you that these people, having had so much longer to reach perfection than you have, should be further along, but the Celestial Kingdom isn’t a race. It’s a personal journey.

Just as you want people to be patient with your progress, be patient with those who don’t live the gospel quite as well as you expect them to. The church is perfect, but the people are not. They’re just ordinary people, living life the best they know how, and working for the same eventual goal you are. Only the Savior was perfect during mortality. Don’t let that imperfection found in the rest of the church shake your faith.

I joined the church as a teenager, soon after my seventeenth birthday. My family didn’t join with me, and although they gave their permission for the baptism, my conversion made them nervous. I was fortunate to have a wise bishop who advised me to show my parents the ways the church reinforced their teachings and to demonstrate that being a church member strengthened my relationship with them.

Why are parents anxious when their teenagers join the church? If they have their own religions, they may be very sad, or even devastated that you’ve turned away from a religion they love. This can be hard to understand until you have children of your own, but it’s a very painful feeling for a parent. There isn’t much you can do to change this except to always show respect for their beliefs, even though you’ve rejected those beliefs. Treat their faith the way you want them to treat yours.

Secondly, many parents are afraid of how the conversion will affect their families. Will the church become more important than the family? Will it cause the child to have different values? This is something you can fix.

Teenagers are naturally beginning to pull away from their families and often focus most of their time on school, activities, and friends. Make a special effort to return to your family. Spend time with your parents, and talk to them about what you’re up to. Share with them what the church is teaching you, especially about family and values.

Even if your family doesn’t want to do family home evening, try to stay home on Monday nights and spend time with your parents. Chances are they will be pleased that you want to be with them, and you may find you can have an unofficial family night if you ask each week for their time. Suggest something you can do together.

There are times when your beliefs will conflict with those of your parents, and they will ask you to do things you know you shouldn’t. You will be faced with two conflicting commandments: Honor your parents and whatever the other commandment is. At these times you’ll need to pray for guidance. If they ask you to do something seriously wrong, such as drinking alcohol, you should refuse. However, if they ask you to go to the store for them on Sunday, you may decide to do that after asking them politely if it’s possible to go another day. If this is the sort of thing that happens often, try to prevent it in advance. For instance, you might ask them each Saturday night if they’d like you to run errands for them so you won’t need to do them on Sunday. I asked my parents if it was possible to change our family day to Saturday, even though it was traditionally on Sunday. They eventually agreed, but until they did, I generally, but not always, skipped the outing with their permission. If they especially wanted me with them, I went, and did the best I could to focus on spiritual thoughts during the day.

If you show respect for your parents, spend time with them, and demonstrate how the church reinforces their teachings, you’ll soon find they adjust to your conversion and may even become grateful for the support the church offers them in raising you.

The first time I was asked to teach a lesson, I said, “But I don’t know anything about this subject.” I was told, “Then that must be why God wanted you to teach it.”

It can be overwhelming to be asked to give a talk when you don’t know anything about the subject you’ve been asked to talk about. However, preparing a talk is a wonderful way to learn about a doctrine. By the time you’ve done the research, you’ll know more than you can put into a talk and it will probably become the subject you know best.

Start by going to LDS.org and reading as much as you can on the subject. Then ask your home teacher or visiting teacher to talk with you about the topic, as well. They can answer your questions and make sure you really understand the doctrine.

Once you know the subject well, think about what part of the subject you’re most interested in talking about. Most subjects are too large to cover in one talk. For instance, you might be asked to talk about prayer. Prayer is a huge topic, so try to choose only one part of prayer to cover, such as family prayer.

Make a list of three or four main points you want to cover in your talk. For instance, if your talk is on family prayer, you might decide to talk about when to have it, how to gather the family, what the blessings are, and your own experiences with it. Put them in an order that makes sense. Now under each of those points, write one scripture or a quote from a church leader. Next, list a few points you want to make about that part of the subject. Put it all in order. You have the outline of a talk.

Tell one or two short personal stories in your talk. Don’t tell anything that should be private or that is about another person. Don’t discuss serious sins. Keep your story short and to the point, leaving out any information that isn’t important to the message. Make sure your story teaches a lesson about the subject—never tell a story just for entertainment.

Write your talk word for word. If you’re used to speaking, you can then make an outline and speak from it, but if you need to read your talk, don’t be embarrassed. No one will mind. Even experienced members often read a talk.

Because we all have to take our turns giving talks, we’re all very understanding of one another. We know what it’s like to stand there, nervous and unsure. When a brand new member does it, no matter how nervous he seems, everyone admires his courage for giving a talk. This is your moment to shine—have fun!

When I first joined the church, I went to the bishop for everything. I didn’t even realize there were other choices. The church puts many people into our lives and it can be confusing to know who you go to in each situation. Following is a list that can help you decide where to go for help:

1. Doctrinal questions

If your missionaries are still visiting, you can ask them. If not, you might start by talking to your home or visiting teacher if you’re an adult or your youth leaders if you’re a teen. If they don’t know the answers, they can tell you who will know. Your Sunday School teacher is also a good resource for information. The ward library sometimes has books you can borrow. LDS.org and Mormon.org are official church websites and have answers to doctrinal questions.

2. Trouble keeping the commandments

Talk to the bishop about this if the problem is serious. If it’s a smaller problem, such as forgetting to pray, or difficulty learning not to swear, your home or visiting teachers can be a resource in giving you ideas. If the sin is a small one, you can also just talk to Heavenly Father. Only serious sins need to be confessed to the bishop. He can help you learn which ones must be taken to him.

3. Assistance with financial problems or employment:

Your home teacher can help you learn what to do in this situation. You can also visit the bishop for help. Most wards have an employment specialist who can teach you how to find work and tell you what resources your ward offers.

4. Faltering testimony

If you feel comfortable talking to your home and visiting teachers, do so. Otherwise, you can talk to the bishop or to anyone in the ward you trust completely. The missionaries can also be a resource for you if they are still visiting.

5. Difficulty learning how to do your calling

Talk to the leader who is over your calling. For instance, if you are a Primary teacher, talk to someone in the Primary Presidency. All problems with callings should go through the leaders over that organization.

6. Writing your first talk

Ask your home or visiting teacher to help you with your first talk. They can teach you how to write it and check to make sure your information is correct.

7. Hurt feelings

If possible, go to the person who hurt your feelings and talk about it. You can also take that to Heavenly Father to help you.

The first time I attended church, the lesson was on preparing to go to the temple. The teacher had a list of all the commandments we had to keep in order to be allowed to attend. I was overwhelmed. To me, it appeared you had to be perfect. I wrote in my journal that I thought I was a pretty good Christian, but that I could never live up to the Mormon standards.

What I didn’t understand, of course, is that you don’t have to be perfect. No one but the Savior has ever been perfect during earth life. We’re supposed to be working on it, but we’re not expected to get there completely.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by all the new commandments you’re learning about, back up a bit. Don’t try to do them all at the same time. Never try to start more than three new changes at once.

Begin with the commandments you need to be doing in order to get baptized. These are the most important, since you want to be baptized as soon as possible. Then, after your baptism, choose the three commandments you consider the most important to learn to keep. For instance, you might decide to develop the habit of praying, start reading scriptures daily, and start having Family Home Evening. Work out a plan to help you achieve those. Record your progress in your journal or on a chart. Whenever you decide you’re keeping a commandment well, take it off your list and add a new one in its place.

How do you decide which commandments to begin with? This is up to you. You should pray for guidance in choosing your goals. You might want to start with those you’ll need to be doing in order to go to the temple when you’re ready. You can usually go to the temple about a year after your baptism, so starting early gives you plenty of time. Never choose your goals to please others. The commandments you’re working on should be the ones you, Heavenly Father, and perhaps your bishop have chosen for you.

You may find an occasional person who will decide you need to work on a different goal than the one you’ve chosen. Ignore those people. In every group, there are some who find it necessary to try to make your choices for you, or who have a “favorite” commandment they think everyone should obey. It’s more important for you to please Heavenly Father than to please another person. Just smile and say, “Thank you. I’ll add it to my list.” Then go back and continue working on your own goals. Don’t let them bother you, because in the end, it’s about you and the gospel, not another person.

Take the gospel one step at a time. You’ll be perfect before you know it!

When I was first invited to visit an LDS church, I asked my friend what to wear. Since he was a male teenager, he said, “Oh, anything is okay.” Since I had been visiting many churches, I opted for a dress and a hat, figuring too much dressiness was better than not enough. When I arrived, I saw no one else had a hat, so I removed mine. All the girls wore dresses, and I was relieved to be properly attired.

However, when the lesson began, it included a discussion of proper dress. Within moments, I understood my outfit, conservative by the world’s standards, was not modest by church standards. I was embarrassed, but I realized no one was turning to stare at me in disapproval. The lesson didn’t appear to be directed at me, and no one pulled me aside afterwards to tell me to come more appropriately dressed next week.

It’s a good thing they didn’t. I owned only one dress and had no money for another one. It took many weeks of saving before I could afford a new church outfit, at which time I asked another girl to explain the rules in detail to me.

Often, those of us who join the church, especially if we join in a short time, have a wardrobe problem. We look around and see no one is dressed the way we are. There may even be the occasional rude person who considers it her duty to tell you all about it. It may be that both our Sunday clothes and our weekday clothes are all wrong.

You should be aware that while there are dress standards for both men and women, no one is banned from church for not meeting them. Everyone who walks through the door of an LDS church as a sincere investigator and then as a new member is sent by God and attends as His guest in His home. We are taught to accept you as you arrive. If you’re wearing jeans, a t-shirt, pink hair, and twelve body piercings, you’re welcome and wanted.

Over time, you can begin to alter your wardrobe. Ask someone you trust to teach you the standards and then go through your wardrobe. First, note which things don’t match the standards and can’t be altered to meet them. Those are the first items to be replaced when the time comes. Then note which things can be changed. For instance, the many convert youth in our ward are taught how to layer their clothing. If they have a shirt that is too short, too tight, or too low-cut, they pair it with another shirt that covers up what needs to be covered. This allows them to keep their old clothing and still be modest, since most are on very tight budgets. When they’re able to buy new clothing, they select items that don’t require layering.

Don’t stay home or avoid baptism because you don’t have the right clothing. Come as you are, wearing whatever you have that most closely matches the standards. When we go to visit God in his home, we wear the best we have, whatever that might be.

Here are some basic terms that a new member or visitor will encounter when attending Sunday meetings at the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints:

Ward: a congregation. Wards are organized according to the number of active members within a specific geographical location.

Branch: a very small congregation. Branches are also organized according to the number of active members within a specific geographical location, but they are much smaller congregations.

Stake: a group of congregations. Stakes are organized according to the number of wards or branches within a specific geographical location.

Meeting house: the church building where a group of wards and branches meet for Sunday meetings and other activities during the week. It is usually shared by 2-4 wards and branches.

Stake Center: a larger meeting house or church. It usually has a gym with a stage for performances and other activities, the chapel is larger to accommodate more people, and a viewing screen for watching televised programs. The Stake President's office is located in the Stake Center.

Bishop: a lay pastor for a ward. Bishops usually serve for a period of about five years, sometimes more.

First/Second Counselor: all Bishops and Presidents of all the auxiliaries in the LDS Church have two assistants called Counselors. Not only do they assist the Bishop, but they have specific responsibilities dependent on whether they are the First Counselor or the Second.

Primary: the children's program for ages 18 months to 12 years. Primary meets during the 2nd and 3rd hours in the 3-hour block on Sundays. The classes are arranged according to birth year and each class moves on in January of each year. The Primary is divided into Nursery (18 months to 3 years), Junior Primary (3 to 7 years), and Senior Primary (8 to 11 years).

Nursery is a self-contained classroom where the children play, have a short lesson and a snack. The older children meet in their classrooms for a lesson time, then divide into Junior and Senior primary for group activities, lessons and singing. During opening and/or closing exercises, a few children are assigned talks (speeches), scripture recitation and prayer to do in front of the entire Primary.

Young Men/Women: the program for youth ages 12 to 17 years. They meet during the 3rd hour and have weekly activities. They divide up according to age and gender and then move on to their next class on their birthday. The girls are divided into Beehives (12-13), Mia Maids (14-15), and Laurels (16-17). The boys are divided into Deacons (12-13), Teachers (14-15) and Priests (16-18).

Mutual: When speaking of Young Men and Young Women programs collectively, they are often called Mutual.

Gospel Doctrine: the main adult Sunday School class.

Gospel Essentials: a Sunday School class for those who are new to the Church, whether they are newly baptized or visiting.

Relief Society: the women's program. On Sundays, they meet for lesson time during the 3rd hour in the 3-hour block. Once a quarter, they have an activity night called Enrichment Night. During Enrichment Night, they have a short lesson then divide into workshops on a variety of topics of interest to women. They also have various satellite groups that meet weekly or monthly. The groups vary widely by each ward are designed to meet the individual needs of the ward and women.

Priesthood: the men's program. On Sundays, they meet for lesson time during the 3rd hour in the 3-hour block. They have quarterly family activities.

Calling: a position or responsibility in the Church, such as Primary teacher or Bishop. Members are invited to serve in the Church through their Bishops and/or his Counselors by inviting them into his office and extending the request that they serve in a specific capacity. The member can accept, decline or request time to think and pray about it before accepting or declining.

Sustain: to pledge support for someone in their calling.

Setting Apart: when a member receives, accepts and is sustained for a calling, they are then "set apart" for the calling. This is done with the Bishop and/or his Counselors laying their hands on the head of the person to bless the newly called member and offer guidance specific to the member and his calling.

Sacrament: often called communion in other faiths. The sacrament is offered each week accept during Stake and General Conferences. It is bread and water.

Sacrament Meeting: the worship service. Often the 1st hour of the 3-hour block, Sacrament Meeting is the time when the sacrament is blessed and offered to the members of the congregation. Announcements are made and callings sustained during these meetings. The sermon is given by the members themselves. The Bishop and his Counselors call on members of the Church in advance to prepare talks (sermons or speeches) on a specific topic. There are usually 2-3 talks each week, one of which is given by a youth over the age of 12 years old.

In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, one of the first words a new member may learn is calling. A calling is an official request for a member to serve in a particular position or responsibility within his/her ward (congregation) or stake (group of congregations). In the April 1997 General Conference, President Gordon B. Hinckley, said to the members of the Church:

"With the ever-increasing number of converts, we must make an increasingly substantial effort to assist them as they find their way. Every one of them needs three things: a friend, a responsibility, and nurturing with 'the good word of God' (Moro. 6:4). It is our duty and opportunity to provide these things (Gordon B. Hinckley, “Converts and Young Men,” Ensign, May 1997)."

Therefore, it is not uncommon for a newly baptized member of the Church to receive a calling soon after his/her baptism. A new member can expect that their calling will be low key while they learn and grow in the gospel of Jesus Christ and doctrines of the Church.

About 2-3 months after my baptism, I was invited into my Bishop's office where he talked to me about teaching in the Primary (children's program), and I accepted the calling to teach the 4- and 5-year-old children each Sunday. My knowledge of the doctrine and culture of the Church was ample for the responsibility and I enjoyed being with the children.

When a member of the Church is invited to accept a calling, the invitation is extended by the Bishop or one of his Counselors (assistants). Typically the member is called into the Bishop's office where the Bishop or one of his Counselors will talk to them about the calling and the responsibilities of the position. He will then invite them to accept the calling. They can either accept it, decline, or request time to think and pray about it before accepting or declining the calling.

If the member accepts the calling, their name is then read over pulpit to the general membership of the Church in his ward. The members are asked to raise their right hands to sustain (support) the person in that calling or to say that they will not sustain the member. If he is sustained, the newly called member is then invited into the Bishop's office again to be set apart for the calling. To be set apart means that the Bishop or one of his Counselors lay their hands on the head of the person being set apart and give a blessing and guidance to them for the responsibilities required in the calling for which they have accepted and been sustained.

The time a member is responsible for a calling will vary by the calling. Some are understood to be a pre-determined length of time, but most are up to the individual and Church leaders. It is common for a person to be released from a calling and immediately called to another within the Church. It is also okay to request a release.

In my time as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I have served in a variety of callings. Currently I am the Primary teacher for the 3- and 4-year-old class. I have been in this calling for 10 months. Previously I was the 3rd Sunday teacher in the Relief Society. I held that calling for over two years.

Though I am generally well-integrated into the Latter-day Saint lifestyle and culture, there are times when I am reminded that I was not raised in it. In my earliest months and years, I frequently experienced such moments. I often wondered if I would ever feel as “one of them” rather than an outsider privileged to enter into their circle. I imagine many new members experience similar feelings when they are learning how to fit in and feel accepted among their new peers.

Not only do new members have “the fullness of the everlasting gospel” to learn, but they also have an entire language, lifestyle and culture to learn as well. Some new members may have given up habits and lifestyles that were very difficult to leave behind. We're all creatures of habit and we all like to feel comfortable. For some, becoming a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is like moving to another country.

It is not an easy thing to become a member of this Church. In most cases it involves setting aside old habits, leaving old friends and associations, and stepping into a new society which is different and somewhat demanding (Gordon B. Hinckley, "Converts and Young Men," Ensign, May 1997).

Sadly, I have, on occasion, seen newly baptized members criticized and treated poorly because they may talk or act differently than seasoned members. Some weather such actions against them and lean on their belief in the doctrines of the Church. Others, however, are deeply hurt or offended and walk away. Church members need to remember that it is often a significant paradigm shift when becoming a member, and that takes time and patience.

New members need nurturing, and that nurturing must come from Church members, particularly those within their own ward (congregation). They need people who will accept them as they are while helping them to learn and grow toward their potential. They need to see friendly faces smiling at them when they walk into the building or classroom. They need to know that they are needed and wanted. They need true friends.

As members of the Church, we have the opportunity to shape the soil in which the new seedlings, or converts, try to grow. We can help provide either a nourishing or a hostile environment. In describing a nourishing environment, President Hinckley has stated that each new member "needs three things: a friend, a responsibility, and nurturing with ‘the good word of God' (Ensign, May 1997, 47)" (David E. Sorensen, “Why Baptism Is Not Enough,” Ensign, Apr 1999).

After a new member joins your ward, reach out to her. Walk up to her and introduce yourself and your family (if applicable) and what responsibilities you have in the ward. Tell her that she can contact you if she has any questions or needs some support. When she does, do all you can to be kind and accepting. You never know, she might become a cherished friend.

As I reflect back on my 16 years as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I remember many blunders and offenses – either on my part or that of other members. Thankfully I have weathered the fierce winds that blew. I'm still here to tell the tale. I also remember with fondness the members who accepted me as I was at the time yet encouraged me to grow. I will always be grateful for their friendship and kindness.